“Memories,” she repeats, the word heavy, as if she knows exactly what I mean. “Isn’t it amazing what we’ll do to ourselves with memories? How willing we are to experience pain over and over again?”
“Or joy,” I add, thinking about that day I saw Avery in the fire station.
“Right,” she says, and I get the impression joy isn’t a part of Jane’s memories. “Your memories are good ones, then?” Her eyebrows lift as she asks the question.
“Some more than others.” I swallow another mouthful. “I’m sure that’s typical of most people.”
She nods slowly. “Anyway…” She pushes off the wall she’d been leaning on. “Would you mind setting up the awning over my table? I’ve been feeling stiff lately. Starting to feel my age,” she jokes, rubbing at her lower back and pretending to hobble.
“You aren’t a day past forty,” I say, walking beside her to her table. She laughs.
It only takes me a few minutes to set up the awning for her. There are pockets at the bottom, and I fill them with rocks to keep the awning in place. Jane pays me with another muffin. Cinnamon sugar this time.
Jane looks out at the work being done to convert the space into a fair. “Do you ever wonder what it’s all for?”
My eyebrows scrunch and I gesture out with one finger. “All this, you mean?”
She crosses her arms in front of herself. “Life. Everything we do. What is it all for?”
In the short time I’ve been in Sugar Creek, I’ve grown close to Jane. She’s almost like a mother figure, one who doesn’t judge me or wish I were someone else.
I squint at Jane, trying to figure out where this is coming from. I’ve never heard her sound this melancholy. “Love, I suppose.”
She purses her lips as she considers my answer. “Awful lot of mess for that one thing.”
In my mind, I see Avery. Our situation is more of a disaster than a run-of-the-mill mess.
“Though,” Jane adds, “I guess there cannot be light without darkness.”
CHAPTER 7
AVERY
I gaveGabriel the manuscript because I’d been unable to say everything I wanted to say. Isn’t me giving him the contents of my head and my heart even better than speaking aloud? It’s been a few days since I said he and I shouldn’t see one another again, and even though I meant it, a part of me is dying to know what he thinks of the story.
Ofmyversion ofourstory.
In lieu of Gabriel’s opinion, I’ll have to settle for Jill’s. She emailed earlier today with a subject line that read “Let’s have a check in!” The body of the email was empty. I wrote her back and told her I’d call her in an hour. She sent me a link for a video call.
Knowing I’m going to see her forced me to take a shower and do my hair and makeup. I’ve been a mess the past few days, existing on crackers and cheese and coffee. It’s only partially what Camryn envisioned for me. When she romanticized me writing in a cabin, I don’t think she saw me as sad and slightly depressed. Pining for a life and a person I thought I’d moved on from. I’m sure these feelings are normal, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them.
While I wait for my call with Jill to start, I tidy up my little cabin. Sweep away dirt tracked in by Ruby, dry my breakfast dishes. Today I’m planning to tell Jill what this book is based on. Especially now that Gabriel’s in the picture again.
Kind of in the picture, anyway. Kind of, but not really. Not really, but also,he’s right there.
But wasn’t he always? If I zoom out, he’s there. He’s the ghost Hudson couldn’t handle. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t let myself love someone who loved a ghost. I can’t fault Hudson for asking for better.
When it’s time, I log into the video call. Jill is there, waiting, her severe bob ready to cut glass. It matches her serious expression.
I wave. “Hello.”
“Avery,” Jill says. At least her tone is warm. “Where are you?” Her gaze leaves my face, looking at the room behind me. “Were you there a few days ago when we spoke?”
“Yes.” I peer over my shoulder and back to her. “A little writer's retreat. A cabin,” I amend, when her eyebrows draw together.
“Love it,” she says. “Very woodsy and cute. Are you inspired?”
“Yeah.” My attention flickers outside in the direction of Gabriel’s cabin.
