For the sake of propriety, I tell myself I’m mistaken, but I know what I saw on Camryn’s face.
Guilt.
CHAPTER 25
AVERY
It takesme three hours to get Camryn by herself.
She’s picking up pieces of wrapping paper that didn’t make the first trash pick-up. The last guest departed ten minutes ago, and Dani left right after to take Jill back to her hotel. We are alone. I can tell by the way Cam looks at me she knows what’s coming.
There isn’t a whole lot more to be done. The party rental place won’t pick up the table and chairs until tomorrow. The leftover food has been wrapped up, and the back of Camryn’s car holds their gifts.
I sit down in a shady spot under an awning. Cam tosses the trash she collected in the outdoor bin, then walks over to me. She stands in the full sun, arms crossed. “Are we going to do this now?” She sounds reluctant, but also defiant. Bold, considering I know she’s guilty of something.
“Do you have something to tell me?”
Cam pulls out the chair beside me and collapses into it. “Before I say anything, you should know I’m really sorry.”
I don’t have patience. “Cam, I’m going to need you to spit it out. Now.”
“I went to see Gabriel when he was in prison. Near the beginning of his sentence.”
“While he and I were still married?”
She nods.
“Why?”
“I was worried about you. Honest to God, you were scaring me. When Mom died you were so capable. You just…just…rose up and took charge. Like you weren’t as devastated as Dad?—”
“I didn’t have a choice, Cam. Dad’s way of coping was to pretend we didn’t exist.”
“This was different,” she insists. “The light inside you was snuffed out. You were a robot Sunday through Friday, and then on Saturday you came alive. I was with you one morning, watching you get ready to visit Gabriel, and it was like you were waking up from the stupor you placed yourself in the other six days of the week. I knew as soon as you left your visit, you’d go back into it. That broke my heart. I realized the only thing you had to look forward to was seeing him on Saturdays. All week long, your thoughts focused on that one thing. I couldn’t watch you live like that.” She takes a deep breath. “So, I went to see him. Dad had questions about his taxes, and I knew you’d be helping him and weren’t going to see Gabriel as early as you normally did.”
Goose bumps cover my arms. I know what’s coming.
“I told him how you were doing, outside of your visits to him.”
A lump forms in my throat. “How could you do that to me? I had it under control. I was going above and beyond to keep his spirits up.”
“At what personal cost?” Tears well in her eyes. “I didn’t know he was going to divorce you. I swear I didn’t suggest it.”
“What did you think he would do?” My tone is sharp.
“Not that.” Cam runs her hands through her hair, pulling as she goes. “I thought he would talk to you. Comfort you. Try and go deeper, help you figure out how you could find some happiness Sunday through Friday, too.”
“Are those the words you used?”
“I don’t remember exactly.”
“Did you suggest he help me find happiness?”
Her mouth hangs open, her lower lip shakes. I see a sliver of Cam as a child, needing to be soothed. “Maybe?”
“Dammit, Cam,” I whisper forcefully, then groan in frustration. “If it weren’t for you…” I let the thought die out. It’s not fair to say it’s Cam’s fault, because what Gabriel did was not outside of his wheelhouse. Gabriel will sacrifice for those he loves. His dreams, his hopes, his passions, he’ll set them aside for others. I used to see his selflessness as something to aspire to, but now I’m not so sure. Maybe our desires never really go away, but sit inside and fester, waiting for the opportunity to surface. Gabriel might have let me go even if Cam never went to see him. Maybe our marriage was bound to go up in flames.
“I wanted to tell you, Avery. I promise, I almost told you so many times. But you were doing well?—”
