Turning back, I peek at Gabriel. I would’ve bet a hundred dollars he was watching me leave, but he’s not. He’s attaching the chalkboard to the wall. He steps back and looks up at the words I’ve written. I can’t begin to imagine what he’s thinking. What he's feeling.
It's notuntil the repairman leaves that my heightened emotions begin to wane. Sagging against the front door, I drop my chin to my chest and rub at my eyes. Ruby bounds straight for me, pawing at my calves. I push off the door and take care of all her needs.
I don’t cry, but I feel like I could. I could throw my head in my hands right now and cry until I run out of tears.
Nothing about my life is how I thought it would go. How I wanted it to be.
Gabriel was my everything, until he wasn't. I was forced to move on, forced to learn who I was as an individual. That feels important, special. Something that can't be brushed aside, forgotten, wiped away like it never existed. There isn't a reset button, only a gathering of experiences.
It's not only my belongings, my home, my new car.I loved someone besides Gabriel. When I’m old and looking back on my life, I’ll consider Hudson a special part of it. He helped me heal, and he helped me learn about myself.
I take a shower, and after I’m done I open my nightstand drawer. What I want is in the back, hidden from view.
The cool metal slides over my skin, shiny and still a perfect fit. The diamond on my ring finger glints in the dull overhead light. I didn’t think there would ever come a time when I wouldn’t wear this ring.
I reach back into the drawer, feeling for the slide of my fingers over a smooth surface. There it is.
Two pieces of white printer paper, each bearing newspaper articles. Gabriel cut them out and used packing tape to give them a homemade laminate. I gaze at the images, these significant moments captured in time.
Gabriel, mid-step from a burning home, holding me in his arms.
Gabriel, standing in front of a minister, bending me backward while kissing me.
I did not save the articles about his DUI and sentencing, but I know they referenced the way we met. Cam told me how they chronicled our trajectory, and our spectacular crash and burn.
Gabriel was a memory, vivid and tangible, but a memory nonetheless. Not anymore.
I keep saying we’re finished, as if it’s synonymous with being done.
Our marriage is finished.
But are we done?
CHAPTER 22
GABRIEL
“Sorry I'm late,”Camryn calls out, rushing through Gem toward my table.
Avery left half an hour ago, and I've been waiting here since.
I stand up to greet Cam, holding out my arms.
Cam hugs me around the waist. First she’s tentative, then she hugs me hard, like she really means it. “It's good to see you again,” she says, stepping back. “I wouldn't count Sugar Creek as seeing you, since we didn’t speak at all. You were too busy standing in a downpour with my sister. Congrats, by the way.”
My head tilts, eyebrows cinching.
“All the sex,” she explains. “Congrats on all the sex with Avery.”
A breath of laughter streams from my nose. Cam is still so…Cam.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I say, “Thanks?”
Cam holds my gaze for a long moment, and God only knows what she’s thinking. Whatever it is, it seems she decides not to give those thoughts a voice.
“Do you want to show me where the arch belongs?”
Cam snaps out of her thoughts, clapping once. “Yes! Come on.”
