I’ve already thought of that. Could I slip seamlessly into small-town life? I think so. But what about my dad and Lara? Cam and Dani? What if my book is met with a round of emphatic declinations from every publisher Jill presents it to? I’ll needto get a job, and how big can the pool of openings be in Sugar Creek? All those questions pale in comparison to the biggest question of all.
What are we doing?
Gabriel pushes off the sink, spinning around and propping his hands behind him. Tiny soap bubbles slide off his fingers onto the lip of the counter. “I know…” His chin tips up and lowers slowly, just once. “Cam. You won’t leave her.”
I shake my head. “She’s grown. Cam doesn’t need me.”
Gabriel’s eyes lock on mine. “It’s me, isn’t it?”
My heart fractures at the resolute disappointment in his tone. How can I explain something I hardly understand myself? “It’s…everything. I don’t know what to make of this”—I gesture between us—“and I’m confused. But I’m only confused if I pause to think about what’s happening up here, tucked away in this charming mountain town.”
“And if you don’t pause? How do you feel?”
My gaze drags up his body, from his legs crossed at the ankles to the stubble on his neck. It puts a warm, ambient glow in my belly. “Happy.”
Gabriel nods like he knows. “Anything else?”
“Content. Like I’ve been treading water for a long time, and I’ve finally reached land.”
Relief floods Gabriel’s eyes. “I feel the same.”
I lean my elbows on the counter, rubbing my hands over my face. I wish this were easier. I wish I could move up here and forgive and forget. I wish he’d never done what he did. I wish he didn’t have an addiction. I wish I hadn’t enabled and encouraged and ignored.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
Gabriel holds out a hand for me. I take it, stepping over his crossed legs and capturing them between my own. “We can make it work,” he begins earnestly. “I’ll drive down to Phoenix on the weekends. You can come here. We’ll talk on the phone. You’ll send me ridiculous things Cam says, and I’ll reply with a string of emojis you’ll have to make sense of. We’ll miss each other like crazy. And then—” Gabriel stops, as if all the air has disappeared from his lungs. He shakes his head slowly. “I can’t survive on that, not after we’ve had it so much better.”
“Me either.” Tears sting my eyes, but I don’t want to waste time crying.
“Where do we go from here?” A pained look crosses his face, as if he can hardly bring himself to say what I know is inevitable. “What are we doing?”
Four words, ripe with emotion. It’s not just a question. It’s a challenge, a call to examine, and decide. We can no longer avoid it.
“I…” My fingertips trail over the planes of his bare chest. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing here, or with you. I don’t know where to go from this point. I wasn’t expecting you…” I palm his heart. “This. All I know is that I can’t do anything halfway with you. No long distance.” My voice catches, and I’m motioning between us, attempting to put words to emotions I can barely identify.
Gabriel gently touches my chin, guiding my gaze to meet his. My lower lip wobbles. Here it is. The beginning of yet another ending to me and Gabriel.
“Four days,” he says, an echo of the first words that began this conversation. His cheekbones lift, his eyes squint. “We’re going to make the most of these next four days.”
His head dips and he finds my mouth. He kisses me urgently, like there is nothing more important in this world than his lips on mine.
Right now, there isn’t. Not really.
CHAPTER 17
GABRIEL
I didall I could to squeeze every drop from our time together.
I touched her with hungry hands. I loved her with a ravenous mouth.
My foolish heart thoughtMaybe.Just maybe…
But, no.
