Inspiration.
I hadn’t plannedto work from my car for two hours, but that’s what I did.
I wrote two thousand words, and good ones, too. Not words that’ll be deleted later in favor of something snappier, wittier, more succinct.
I stretch out my fingers, my hands, my wrists. They are sore in the best way.
Children play at the park across the street. I’m parked in a church parking lot, under the shade of a tree. My windows are down, and a breeze streams through my car.
Now that I’m not focused on writing, Jane rolls through my mind. I can see why Gabriel thinks well of her. She’s interesting. While it’s not uncommon for most people to carry a burden, Jane’s seems different. Heavier, more far-reaching. She has cast herself in the role of villain. Why? Why is she here, spending her life alone? Why did she leave Phoenix?
And then there’s Gabriel. All this time I thought I was writing about him in past tense, and one day, that ceased to be true.
I’m drawn to him. It’s that simple. Despite everything that has happened between us. Why is it I want to go toward the source of pain? Shouldn’t I be running the other way?
Right now, sitting here in this car after talking to Jane and writing, I want Gabriel. I want his touch, the way he’d curl a knuckle and run it down my arm, or cup the back of my neck and draw me to his mouth. I want his smile, his introspective gaze, his eyes that see into my soul. I want my life back. I want my husband back.
But my husband doesn’t exist anymore.
Gabriel experienced a significant, life-altering event. Firefighting Gabriel who put everybody else’s happiness before his own is now Woodworking Gabriel who lives in a small town and I have no idea what he does with his happiness.
Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to him, even when it seems like I shouldn’t be. He’s someone new, an iteration of the man I didn’t think I could breathe properly without.
Maybe, if Gabriel were still the man he once was, it would be easier to stay away from him. I could use the past to inform the future, learn the way most humans learn. By experience.
But he’s not. This version of Gabriel is better than the previous. Likely subtle to others, but glaringly obvious to me, this new Gabriel seems content. Less internal chaos, more peace with who he is as a person. Still one to do good for others, but not at the expense of himself.
The corners of my mouth creep up, and instead of resisting, I let it happen. Let that warm, cozy feeling reverberate through my chest. Let myself contemplate the question forming in my mind.
Can I fall in love with the same person a second time?
CHAPTER 10
GABRIEL
Joel walksinto the room as I’m carefully packing a custom bookshelf.
“How goes it?” He watches me wind packing paper around the piece and secure it with heavy duty tape.
“Everything is good. I should be able to get the truck packed up and sent off before the snow makes an appearance.”
Ernie, the truck driver who transports our large pieces across the state, paces twenty yards out from the building. He lifts a hand in greeting, a cigarette dangling from his lips.
Joel waves back. “Can’t believe it was nice enough to wear shorts last weekend, and now it’s going to snow.”
“I guess the weather changed her mind.” As I say it, I think of Avery. We’re not supposed to get so much snow that it should be a problem, but Avery is a desert girl. The most she’s dealt with snow is seeing it on the tops of the mountains north of the city.
“Might as well take tomorrow off,” Joel says. He disappears into his office and comes back with a small box. “Kimberley said to give this to you.”
I smile and take the box. “What did she make this time?”
“Cookies, I believe.”
“Tell her I said thank you.”
“She knows you’re thankful.”
I scratch at my eyebrow with my thumbnail. “I’m still going to say it.”
