My lips twist as I think. "Maybe. It was a mutual decision though. He left me, too. I think he should work for it a little." I wink at Gramps.
He grins. "That's my girl."
The sun sinks below the horizon. I stand up and reach down for Gramps. "Let's go home."
Gramps shoots me a dirty look and mutters to himself. "Hand to God, if my grandkids don't stop acting like I can't sit down or stand up on my own, I will take a belt to their bare asses."
I scrunch my nose in playful disgust. "I think you can get arrested for that these days. Probably for more than one reason."
He laughs, but he lets me carry both chairs and the wine. I tuck the chairs in the trunk and drive him to the homestead.
He disappears inside and I drive back to my place. I finish the wine, take a shower, and lie down. I look over at the pillow Sawyer used, my hand tracing over the empty space in the bed where his body used to lay.
38
Jessie
I've stoppedto eat lunch at the homestead before heading back out to work. Dakota is here with Colt, and she’s just joined me out front. Colt is inside with my mom.
"Are you ready for the appointment next week?" I ask, wiping a smear of my egg salad sandwich from my lower lip. Wes, Dakota, and Colt are going to Phoenix to get Colt’s cochlear implant turned on.
"Sure am," Dakota answers, grimacing as she shifts. She's seven months along and says she is officially uncomfortable. "Let's get that device activated so we can move forward. And I can start paying more attention to the next little one." She rubs her stomach. "I feel like I'm so far behind. When I was pregnant with Colt, I was ready months before my due date. This time around, Colt has taken up so much of my time and attention, I haven't been able to focus on his sister."
I pat her stomach. "I'll help you."
She picks at her sandwich. "You're pretty busy these days."
"My evenings are free."
She gives me a knowing look. "Are you ever going to talk about that?"
"It hurts too much." That, and I don’t want to give any of it away. Every time I talk about it, it’s like breaking off a chunk of my sadness. I want to keep it all together, this hurt I feel about Sawyer, and hold it close.
If I haven’t heard from him by the end of this week, I’m going to call him. I’ll invent some reason, something he left behind, just so I can hear his voice. He’ll see right through me, but that’s okay.
She bumps my shoulder. "I'm here if you need someone to listen."
I give a fake smile. "Thanks."
Dakota points at the sky. "Looks like we may finally get some rain. I can't remember the last time that happened."
I follow where she's pointing. In the west, the sky is dark. But all around us, there is nothing but blue sky. "I'll believe it when I see it." It has been only sunny and dry, and every time the forecast calls for rain, there isn't even a stray storm cloud floating by. I'm starting to think the weather forecasters call for rain simply because they are bored with saying the same thing every day.
My mom walks out of the homestead, holding Colt's hand. She hands a plate with half a sandwich to Dakota. "He won't eat a bite for me. Maybe you can get him to eat."
Dakota takes the plate. She picks up his sandwich and offers it to Colt. He shakes his head. Dakota opens her mouth wide like she's going to eat it, and Colt's arm shoots out to stop her. Dakota makes a show of understanding him and holds it out again. He leans forward and takes a bite.
My mom laughs. "Good to know for next time." She looks out. "Oh, look. They didn't even call for rain, but we might get some."
An hour later, it begins to rain. Just a sprinkle, not enough to bother us while we work. We're branding and vaccinating the calves today. Truth be told, I can't stand to be present for either one, but I force myself to do it.
We're in the barn when the rain really starts up. It batters the roof, and Josh runs in, his clothes soaked.
"Is it hailing?" Wes asks, looking up at the ceiling.
"You'd think, by the way that sounds," Josh answers, running a hand through his wet hair. "But it’s not. Just raining pretty good."
"Huh," Wes says, eyebrows drawing together.
