"Those words have seen far more than any of us know. Yes, this surprise is hurtful. But it's not the first secret in this family, and it won't be the last."
I am in awe of my mother. Of her strength and poise. Even now, in this moment that can be nothing but painful for her, she is going to pull through and carry us alongside her.
Gramps stands, moving quicker than I’ve seen in a while. "I'm calling a meeting too. Between me and my grandkids."
34
Gramps
My grandkids have hadthe rug pulled out from under them.
Poor kids.
I look from face to face, from shocked expressions to eyes that reveal the heartache inside. I remember the day each of my grandkids was born. I was at the hospital, waiting to greet them.
They have needed me at various times over the years. Mostly when they were young and required a hand getting up the stairs, or fixing a bike chain. Then again, recently, when each one had to overcome all the damage during the years they didn't come to me for help. Those were the years they needed to make their own mistakes, so that when the time came, they'd know how to make the right choices for themselves. I'd like to believe I had a hand in helping Wes with Dakota, Warner with Tenley, and Wyatt with Jo.
I fear that for Jessie with Sawyer, well, that's beyond what I am able to fix. Right now, my grandkids need me to bandage their image of their parents’ marriage.
We're seated out back, the homestead looming tall behind the four of them. They all wait, quiet and watchful, for me to speak.
I call upon words my wife would use, and hope she is sitting beside me in spirit. "I know you're all pissed at your dad,” I begin.
Wyatt grunts, as if the word I chose to describe his feelings doesn't even begin to cover it. I expected this of him. He is the most defiant of the four, with Jessie trailing closely behind.
"It's going to take a long time for you to overcome what you've just learned." I glance at Jessie, and she bites her lip and looks away. I'm betting she feels guilty for outing her dad, but the truth is that I saw this coming a mile away. As soon as Sawyer Bennett stepped foot in the homestead, I knew tectonic plates were shifting in our family foundation. Earthquakes have been known to bring up both trash and treasure.
"One thing you need to understand is that every marriage is different." I look at Warner. He's always been the calmest of the four. "Is your marriage to Tenley different than yours to Anna?"
"Night and day," he answers quickly, crossing an ankle over the opposite knee. Wes frowns at Warner's legs taking up his space and inches over.
"That's what I thought. Something else you need to understand is that marriages usually change over the years. The people your parents were back then, even their entire marriage, is different today than it was when the affair occurred."
Pain jumps over their faces at the wordaffair. "You also need to know that what you learned about today is rarely the product of one person's bad choice. It's usually many cracks, many breaks, and various pains that build up over time. Not just from your spouse, but from life. You'd all do well to remember that." I look at them in turn, even Jessie. "You have to know that the only place to solve your problems is in here"—I tap my chest—"and in here"—I tap my head. "None of your problems can be solved externally, so don't go looking. That's what your dad did, and I know that's a bitter pill for you to swallow. Your father is as human as you and me. But he is also a damn fine rancher, a good father, and a loving husband. What he did twenty years ago does not define him. He atoned, he worked on himself, he learned what was broken in himself and in his marriage, and then he fixed it. There is nothing more you can ask of a person but to work on themselves every day until they die."
They are all silent, but it's Wes who's thinking the hardest. I am not surprised by this. He is the oldest and remembers the most. I can still envision a time when he was the only child running around this place.
Wes sits back, one long leg sticking out. "You knew it was happening at the time?"
I look down at my hands, the skin papery and telling of all my time under the Arizona sky. This is where my truth will get sticky. As my dad used to say back when he was running the HCC,They all deserve to know a little, and none of them should know everything.
"I figured it out eventually, yes."
"And did you tell him to stop?" Jessie asks this question with a pleading look in her eyes. Everything she knew about the adults who raised her has been challenged today. She needs to believe her gramps is the kind of man who would stop his son from continuing stupid behavior.
"Your father accepts being told what to do about as well as any of you. But I did tell him I disapproved of his choice."
They are quiet again. And honestly? I'm tired. It doesn't take a whole hell of a lot to tire me out anymore. But there is one thing I'm curious about.
I look at my granddaughter. "Where's Sawyer?"
Jessie's eyes flood with tears. She rarely cries. It's a bad sign.
"He left."
“Left your cabin to stay in town?" Wyatt asks.
Her head shakes and she wipes a hand under her eyes. "To return to California. We both agreed that after what we learned," her lower lip trembles, "we don't make sense. He's just as shocked and hurt as the rest of us."
