She doesn't want an answer, because she probably already knows it.
"Here." She spins, hefting a box off the counter. I take it from her and peer down at the lid. It doesn't look like anything special, but there's a sinking feeling in my core.
"I found this at the very back of my closet, on the tallest shelf." Jo swipes a finger over the top. "I dusted off the lid. Can't vouch for the inside though. I didn't open it, so I have no clue what you'll find in there."
I hold the box out in front of me, turning it this way and that. No markings, no names. "How did you determine this belongs to me?"
Jo shrugs. She turns back to the lunches. "Who else would it belong to?"
She has a point. I thank her and leave. I set the box in my passenger seat, then climb in the driver’s seat and look over. I don't think I want that box staring at me while I drive. An ominous feeling drifts through me. I'm not a superstitious person, but I'm acting like one right now. I get out, remove the box, and place it in the trunk.
Jessie is busy working.I am totally alone out here in the cabin.
I make a pot of coffee and stare at the box I've set on the kitchen table while the strong brew percolates. A part of me wants to tear off the lid and discover what's inside. There's another part of me, equal in size, that never wants to know what the box contains.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and open the box.
Clothes? I sift through the sweaters. They are covered in dust. I find two dead spiders, one bigger than the other even with its legs folded, and I shudder when my hand brushes against its petrified body. And then, nestled down in the folds of a corduroy jacket, almost as if someone had placed it there on purpose, is a leather-bound book. My thumbnail leaves a discolored mark as it scrapes across the cover. It is tied with a string made of the same material.
It's the string that tells me what this is. A journal.
I swallow the lump in my throat. I open the journal. Tears spring instantly to my eyes. My mother's handwriting.
April 2,1999
A cattle ranch! I can't believe it. We did it. We really did it. We have no idea what we're doing, but so what?! We'll learn on our feet. Time to buy some boots and a new hat!
April 30,1999
Sawyer is settled into the elementary school and he's happy. He's made some friends, and they seem nice. I made a friend too, on my morning ride.
August 13,1999
What happened today… well, it wasn't supposed to happen. I love my husband. We are happy. It's just that sometimes, I feel sad. And he caught me in a blue moment.
September 4,1999
Who is the man I married? Where is the man I married? This was supposed to be fun. Cattle ranching has turned him into a person I don't recognize. He talks constantly about the beef industry, and bringing cows to market. And the Haydens. He is obsessed with the Haydens. He is not the only one.
October 28,1999
Why should I stay and suffer if I'm not happy? This is the question I've been asking myself. What does it teach Sawyer? Is it better that he sees his mother care about her well-being and happiness? Or will I hurt him no matter what I do?
December 31,1999
A few more hours, and it will be a new year. The turn of a century. This Y2K business is nonsense. This is the year I'm finally going to be happy.
January 4,2000
We did it. I did it. It didn't feel illicit or wrong. It felt like the best decision I've ever made.
February 14,2000
I love him.
March 16,2000
I’m going to start a new life with the man I'm meant to be with. I've never been happier than I am right now.
