I blink, surprised. "You want me to return to Sierra Grande?" The town has always felt off-limits, as verboten as speaking about it.
"It might do you some good. You need a project."
"I'm plenty busy with work," I argue.
He shakes his head. "You need a change of pace. Different scenery. Some time to clear your head."
"The place where Mom died? Are you sure?” He can't be serious. Years and years of avoiding the place, and now he wants to send me there?
He looks away from me.
I did it. I said her name. The one thing we never do. "It's time we sell the ranch,” he says gruffly. “There's no point in holding on to it. Keeping it won't bring her back. I didn't set a good example for you when it comes to grief, and it’s starting to show.”
If the ache in my throat from just the mere thought of my mother is any indication, I’d say he’s right about that.
Why now?I want to ask him, but I don’t, because I think I know the answer. Brea’s passing not only added to the mountain of grief living inside us, but it unearthed the old pain, exposing it to light it hasn't seen in a long time. And, if my dad is feeling anything like I am, it’s an old pain longing to be healed. Sometimes the only way forward is back.
For me, anyway. As for my dad, there’s no way he can be a part of the sale. If the world was ending, and Sierra Grande was the only town that was going to survive, he would choose death. This will have to fall on my shoulders.
"You should go," he insists. “It’ll get you out of town for a while. I remember what it’s like. Everywhere you look, you see her.”
“Is that why we left so quickly after Mom died?” Every part of this conversation has been like walking across a minefield, yet this question seems like a guaranteed explosion.
I meet his gaze. He’s biting his bottom lip, allowing it to slide slowly out from between his teeth. It feels like forever has passed when he finally speaks, and all he has to say is, “Yes.”
I wait for more, but it doesn't arrive.
Renee walks out, frowning. "I burned dinner," she announces, taking my dad's wine and finishing it. I keep my grimace on the inside. This woman is my mother's opposite. Why did my dad choose her? How did he ever fall in love with her?
In the end, I take my dad's advice. I locate a realtor in Sierra Grande, list the property, then pack some bags and head to the last place I can remember feeling truly happy before I met Brea.
It’s also the place that broke my ten-year-old heart.
3
Jessie
Present Day
Austin has calledthree times today. I've sent him to voice mail every time. I'd like to answer and give him a piece of my mind, but I don't think I can. Not without crying. And the last thing I want to do is show him how hurt I am.
I woke up this morning, exhausted from a night of bad sleep, and fully in the knowledge that tonight, I’ll get the kind of sleep only found when I’m home on the ranch. Then I packed up my room and loaded my car, driving west and then north toward home.
Suddenly I can't wait to get there. I turned off the interstate ten minutes ago, passing the small sign declaring Sierra Grande in fifteen miles, and the words below it,Home to the Hayden Cattle Company.
The Hayden Cattle Company. My family's legacy, a four-generation source of infinite pride and the largest cattle ranch in Arizona. It's an institution in the small but rapidly growing town of Sierra Grande. Every time I come home, there are new roads, new stores, new restaurants. The townspeople grumble about the growth, and they're quick to point a finger toward the culprit.
The Haydens.
My family doesn't care. We're used to being blamed for things. Broad shoulders carry wide loads.
Besides, Sierra Grande needed the new life my sisters-in-law breathed into this place. To say my brothers married up would be an understatement. First there was Dakota, who showed up and knocked my oldest brother, Wes, on his reclusive ass. She bought a parcel of Hayden land, developed it into what has quickly become the best restaurant, wedding venue, and once a month local vendors market in central Arizona. It brought tourists to our town, and their spending money, too. The old grumps in this town didn't mind that too much, because they benefited from the influx of money. Last month she was featured in Arizona's Best magazine, and I made sure to show every one of my friends the article.
And then came Tenley. And her movie. And her movie star status. Followed by curious people stopping in town, hoping to catch a glimpse of the retired-for-now actress who found true love with a handsome cowboy. Also known as my second oldest brother, Warner. Arguably the nicest of my three brothers.
The real uproar came when one of Sierra Grande's own, longtime resident Jo Shelton, bought an abandoned ranch and transformed it into a therapy camp for troubled youth. My other brother, Wyatt, helped her. They fell in love, becauseof coursethey did. There's a lot to love about Wyatt. He's my favorite brother, Wes and Warner know it, and I'm pretty sure they don't give two shits. All four of us Hayden siblings know that at the end of the day, no matter who likes who better, there isn't a single thing we wouldn't do for one another. That declaration's not empty, either. We've had more than a few opportunities to make it true.
And yet, as much as I'm looking forward to getting home to the HCC, I find myself letting off the gas pedal, making a right turn instead of staying on the road that will lead me up in elevation and take me home. I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to tell my parents about what happened at school. Stopping for lunch at the diner on High Street will give me just a little more time to figure out what to say. Or not say.
