Different trees, same rippling dark blue water. Light glints off the ripples, like a thousand diamonds sparkling off the top.
A tiny sliver of calm slips through me as I make my way closer. Water has always had this effect on me. Maybe it’s from growing up in the parched desert. Maybe the incessant heat desiccated more than just the cacti and clay soil.
As I walk I hear nothing but my footfalls on the ground. The silence is exactly what I came for. I may have spent my first couple nights here getting drunk and accomplishing nothing, and I’m not saying it’s the end of doing that, butthisis really why I chose Lonesome, Oregon.
I’m not sulking. I’m not hiding. I’m not running away from Lennon and Finn with my tail between my legs. I’msearching. For what, I don’t know.
But it’s going to be something good. Something that sets my soul on fire. Something that startles my heart, that makes me incredulous at the fact I ever lived without it.
Maybe I won’t find that here. Maybe it’s wherever I’m going next. Until this moment I hadn’t thought aboutnext. There had been no second bounce of the ball when I made the decision to come here.
Where should I go after my stay here is over? Somewhere tropical? Or maybe continue north. Seattle… Vancouver… Alaska…
For the first time in a long time, I feel the tiniest shred of something that isn’t like what I’ve been inundated by the past eight months. I wouldn’t call the feeling happiness, but it’s a stop on the way there.
With my gaze fixed firmly in front of me, I try to think of nothing at all. Not Lennon, not my old job, not that gorgeous blonde with whom I keep having unfortunate run-ins. I’m failing at the last one. It’s hard not to think of someone so fiery and passionate. Even when that fire and passion is taking the form of anger, and that anger is directed my way.
Whoever that woman is, she’s made it clear she’s not interested in me. This morning in the kitchen she did what she needed to do as an employee and split as soon as her responsibility was filled. She doesn’t even want to know the story of how the wedding ring came to be on my hand. I prefer not to tell her, but I will if only to exonerate myself. I don’t like being accused of philandering.
I’ll probably never get the chance though, and I’ll just have to come to terms with that.
According to the map, I’m almost to the lake. The sky that had been sunny when I set off has been steadily turning a burnt orange as I’ve walked.
I clear the last of the trees and step out onto the rocky sand. Tipping my chin to the sky, I fill my lungs with clean, earthy air, slowly releasing it and lowering my gaze to the water.
Movement to the left grabs my attention. Less than twenty yards away, a woman’s head and shoulders emerge from the lake.
And though I can’t see her features, I’m positive it’s the beautiful girl I can’t get out of my mind.
This is bad. So, so bad. She’s going to think I was spying on her. I’d back up slowly, but any movement on my part will only draw attention. Not that it matters. There’s no way she won’t see me here.
My muscles clench in anticipation of the inevitable verbal dressing-down from her once she spots me.
Her arms wrap around her shoulders and she rubs them as if trying to warm herself. I’m not an expert on lake water temperature in the northwest, but my guess is that it’s not exactly warm. With a nervous glance behind herself, she walks completely out of the water.
Wearing the tiniest bikini I’ve ever seen.
I know I’m supposed to look away. It’s what a gentleman would do, and I consider myself to be a gentleman above most other things in my life.
I rip my gaze from her just as she steps gingerly across the rocks. I’m trying to be as quiet as I can, shutting my eyes and hoping somehow we’ll make it through this without her spotting me.
Suddenly she yelps and my eyes fly open. Without meaning to, without any volition of my own, my hand flies out toward the pained sound.
The movement catches her eye, and she whips her gaze toward me. Our eyes widen, mine in apology and hers in horror.
She wraps her arms around her chest, which confuses me. Why is she wearing a bathing suit like that if she’s embarrassed by it? She wobbles, all her weight on one foot.
I extend my hands like I’m already begging forgiveness. “Are you okay?” I ask, remembering the pained yelp from only a few moments ago.
She doesn’t answer, and I watch her try to take a step and wince.
“Can I help you?” I’m pretty sure I know her answer, but I’d hate myself if I didn’t offer.
She looks at me with a mix of irritation and something that’s hard to name. I don’t know how to describe it, but it looks like a fervent wish for me to be gone.
“I was on a walk.” I hold up the map, and see in her eyes that she recognizes it. “I wasn’t spying on you. I’m not a creep.”
It’s getting darker now, the sky turning into a faint purple-blue, and from this distance I can barely make out the thin line made by her pursed lips.
