“Sorry.” Laine clears her throat. “I didn't mean to stare. I was thinking about the three of you when you were younger. What it must’ve been like to grow up together. I’m an only child, and until I met Lennon, I never had anyone who felt more like a sister than a friend.”
“It was good, mostly.” I look back out to the water, trying to find Lennon and Finn. I look from left to right, but I can’t locate them. I knew that was going to happen. From the cabin there are only about thirty yards of visible shoreline. If they swam left or right, it would only take a minute for them to be out of sight.
Sighing, I bring my attention back to Laine and our conversation. “We had a lot of fun. We were together as much as possible, and sometimes even when we weren’t supposed to be. Finn could do whatever he wanted, his uncle didn’t really care. Not like my mom.” I pause to roll my eyes.
“Which of you was first to fall in love with Lennon?” Laine’s directness surprises me, and it takes me a moment to recover.
“Me. But Finn would probably tell you it was him. Honestly, I don’t know. We never had a conversation about it. Over time, it became clear we both wanted her. I don’t think Lennon knew for a while. She wasn’t very good at recognizing love.” My mouth arranges itself into a grim line as I think about her mother. Or her aunt, I guess.
“Does she date?” The question just occurred to me and before I could even think about it for more than a second it came out of my mouth.
“Sometimes,” Laine answers. She looks down, brushing something unseen to my eyes from the front of her shirt. “But not for very long. I’ve never seen any of her relationships go past four months.”
My hand rubs the stubble on my jaw as I think about what Laine just said. To me, Lennon seems like she’d be more of a serial monogamist.
“Let me save you from sitting there wondering why her relationships are so short.” Laine levels me with a serious look. “It’s hard to date when you’re in love with someone else.”
“Lennon is in love with one of us?” Dear god, let it be me. Her face from last night pops into my head. She was standing there on my doorstep, her eyes wide with shock, a look of desperation on her face. She needed someone, and she came to me. I feel so fucking high right now, my heart might as well be a kite, soaring above the pine trees.
“Whoa, whoa hang on.” Laine has her arms out as though she plans to physically stop me from something. “She loves both of you.”
I shake my head, impatient. “I already know that. But who is sheinlove with?”
Laine shrugs. “I don’t know. And neither does she.”
I groan and slump down in my seat, my palm running the length of my face. “Finn and I talked about giving her an ultimatum. We want her to choose.”
“She knows she’s going to have to choose. She knows it’s hurting you guys, and it kills her to hurt you.”
I push my hair back from my forehead and rub my eyes. “You guys have obviously talked about this. What did you tell her?”
“I think it will hit her out of nowhere. One second she’ll be confused, the next second, she’ll know.”
I look out at the water. Still no sign of them. The sky is darker now, bruised with purple. In the distance, dark gray clouds gather above the treetops.
I want to go inside, but there’s no way in hell I’m moving now. I’ll sit right here and wait. I’ve been waiting a long time, and I’ve become pretty good at it.
24
Now
Swimmingin a lake with Finn is a new experience, and it’s fun. He’s a strong swimmer, but so am I. Keeping up with him is easy.
When I resurfaced after my dramatic jump into the lake, I found him laughing. Drops of water dripped from his hair, rolling down his face and sticking in his eyelashes.
“You sure your bottoms are still on?” he’d teased.
“Ha ha,” I replied, swimming out past him. It took less than a few seconds for him to catch-up, and he easily overtook me. At one point I turned around, looking back at the cabin. Brady and Laine looked like miniature versions of themselves. Right after that, Finn turned left and I followed, swimming parallel to the shore until I lost sight of the cabin.
We’re still treading water, and I don’t know where we’re going, but I like it. I like the buoyancy of my body, the sunset above us and the muddy earth below us. I like the calls of birds I cannot identify, and the cacophony of insects slowly filling the air. Finn changes direction, swimming in closer to shore. He stops when he can stand, his head and shoulders above water. I can’t stand in that depth, so I swim in place. It’s not as fun or as easy as treading water.
Finn must realize I can’t stand because he grabs me by my waist and pulls me in until I’m flush against his chest. My heart pounds at his sudden nearness. My arms wrap around his shoulders and I flutter my legs to stay in place, even though I probably don’t need to. Finn’s grip around my waist is tight.
“Brady told me about your mom. Or aunt, I guess.”
I sigh and shake my head, the tip of my nose bumping his chest. “Yeah.”
“How do you feel?”
