“Lennon, don’t fight it,” he croons. “It will be so much better for us both if you don’t fight.” His finger runs the length of my face and my dinner feels like it might come up.
My whole life I’ve felt pushed down. Unloved and unwanted by the person who is supposed to love me most. My existence is a nuisance to my mother. I have a lifetime of therapy ahead of me when I can afford it, but this will not be something I talk about in therapy, because there’s no way I’m allowing this to happen to me. Ted will not do this to me.
No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking way no fucking way no fucking way.
I scream it in my head, until I hear my voice screaming it out loud.
I become a tornado, flinging limbs and stomping feet. I catch him with something, I’m not sure what. Maybe it’s my elbow that does it, or my foot crashing down on his.
He grunts, stumbling back and letting go of me. I run for the door, unlocking it and thundering down the stairs. Blood pounds in my ear as I race to the front door, slamming back the lock and throwing it open.
I run into the night. In my bare feet I run, until my throat and my legs burn and I’m dripping sweat. Before I slow, I look behind me, and when I don’t see anybody, I come to a stop. I’m hot, so freaking hot, so I pull my sweatshirt over my head and something tumbles to the concrete.
My phone.Oh thank god. I look up to the dark sky and mouth the words to someone I’m not sure I believed in until now.
Brady doesn’t answer. My next call is to Finn.
He answers immediately, and the sound of his voice is more than I can take.
“Finn,” I sob his name.
“Where are you?” he demands, not bothering to ask me what has happened.
I walk closer to the corner until I can read the street signs. “Stagecoach and Jackson. A little way from my house.”
“Give me a house number. I’ll put it in my GPS.”
I look to the house closest to me, reciting the numbers I see on a gold metal sign above the garage.
“I’m coming for you,” he growls, then he hangs up.
I sit down where I am. The concrete is still warm from a day of unyielding sunshine.
And I cry. I cry tears of sadness, for what almost happened. Tears of anger. Tears of relief and pride. I fought, and I won.
Until this moment, I’ve never realized that it wasn’t only my mother who’d been denying me love this entire time. It was me too.
I’ve never loved myself.
Starting tonight, that’s going to change.
* * *
Finn
I learned my lesson the hard way, of course. It seems that’s the only way I learn.
Never get Brady high again.
“Are the police following us?” He turns around, looking through the back window of my crappy single-cab truck. His eyes are wide. Paranoid. “I think I see them, Finn!” He said this three minutes ago too.
Sighing, I glance in the rearview mirror just to be certain he’s not right. And he’s not. There’s nobody behind us, not even a headlight in the far-off distance. “Nobody’s there, Brady.”
Brady faces forward again. If he wasn’t so annoying, I’d record the guy just so he can see himself. But honestly, I don’t want any lasting reminders of tonight. Having this in my memory is bad enough.
Brady leans his forehead against his window, and I focus on the drive. I’m high too. I can’t afford to get pulled over. If I wasn’t afraid Brady would kill us, I would’ve had him drive. He’s the one who would get away with murder in this town. His dad would cruise into the station and wave his magic wand. Brady’s problems would disappear, if they’d even arise at all. Someone might recognize him before it could come to that.
But not me. If I’m caught right now, I’ll be toast.
