Charity stomps her feet on the ground and crosses her arms in front of herself. “Can we go somewhere warm and dissect how gorgeous Aidan is?”
“Nope,” I say quickly. “It’s time for this girl to go home. Savannah?” I turn to her. She nods and gives both Charity and Mari quick goodbye hugs.
We make it three blocks when Savannah starts talking. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but the way Aidan looked at you tonight… well, Henry never did that.”
“I’m not sure what look you’re talking about, but you only knew me when Henry and I were failing.” I feel the need to point this out, to defend Henry in some weird sort of way. Maybe I’m not defending him, but our marriage. I don’t fucking know.
Savannah doesn’t respond, so I look at her. She’s staring at me pointedly.
I sigh. I know what she wants me to ask. “How did Aidan look at me?”
“Like your breath was more important than his own.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Oh please. Have you been reading my romance novels?”
“No. I mean, yeah, a little. But only the sexy parts.”
My hands fly into the air. “Only the sex? Seriously?” There’s no way I’m telling her about my most recent declination.
“That’s not the point. We were talking about Aidan.”
“What about him?”
“I’ve seen you guys together, what, twenty times? And you’ve always acted like permanent fixtures in one another’s friend zones. Like little statues. But tonight—” Savannah lifts her hands the same time as her shoulders, then she drops them. “Tonight it looked like maybe your stone is crumbling and you were actually being human.Bothof you.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
Savannah lets out a short burst of a laugh. “Yeah. Sure. You didn’t look like someone popped out from behind a tree and yelled boo.”
“I was surprised, that’s all.” My voice is a murmur. “I’ve never seen him on an actual date. I was caught off-guard.”
“If you say so.” Savannah steps into our building and I follow. We make it all the way up to our apartment without another word and I’m grateful. Talking about Aidan is low on the list of things I want to do right now.
After an hour of sitting on the sofa watching HGTV, I say goodnight and go to my room. I’m physically exhausted from the spin class and emotionally exhausted from feeling awkward around my best friend. The second my head hits the pillow, my mind begins to wander. I can’t stop seeing the way Allison looked up at Aidan. So flirtatious. So bold. So ready for whatever was next for them.
Did they take it slow? Or was it fast and hot? Did they make it all the way back to his place or did he pull her into a dark alley and start there?
How long has it been since I’ve had sex?A long freaking time.
Henry was the second person I had sex with, and there was a time when I thought he would be my last. Unlike his sometimes harsh personality, in bed, he was gentle and kind. Unless he’d had too much to drink. Then he was rougher, whispering things into my ear he’d never say otherwise.
Maybe it’s because I miss Henry, or what he represented.
Maybe it’s because I know Aidan is getting some tonight and I’m aloneagain.
Or maybe my hand slips over my abdomen and into the waistband of my pajama pants because it’s beenso long.
A young Henry floats through my head. He’s high from a win on the football field, drunk at an after-party with his arm around my shoulders. I’m half-drunk too and high on knowing I’m his girl. The football god and the dancer. Picture perfect. The scene floats around me, and my present self knows what my past self doesn’t. That night, Henry and I will fall asleep together, and in the morning we’ll have sex for the first time, and he’ll take me to a high I’d never experienced before.
My body welcomes the memory, and my shoulders relax as my thigh muscles tighten.
Putting the scene on replay in my head, I let go completely and hope to reach the same high I experienced that morning. My brain, however, remembers what happened after, and it won’t let me press the replay button one more time. As hard as I fight it, the scene keeps going and now I’m in the kitchen of Henry’s apartment. I’ve just come from his room and I’m wearing his T-shirt only. I wouldn’t have walked out, but I was parched. Aidan is in the kitchen, shirtless, standing in front of the open fridge and drinking milk from the container. He takes in my appearance, says nothing, but offers me the milk. I walk closer, accept the milk, drink, and wipe the back of my hand across my lips. Aidan takes it from me and puts it back in the fridge. Drawing me in with one arm, he tucks me into his side and lays a cheek on top of my head.
“You okay?” His voice floats down around me, and I know that he knows what Henry and I did.
“Yes.” My voice is small.
“That’s all that matters.”
