My gaze shifts as Noah mouths something at me over Matt’s back.Boyfriend?He gestures with a thumb. I nod. Why do I feel guilty? I’ve done nothing wrong. But still, I feel it, the flicker of shame, like I wasn’t supposed to move on.
Indignation flares. Noah moved on. I saw the stupid magazine cover. He dated a model, someone who was my genetic opposite. I glare at him. He’s not going to make me feel like I’ve done something wrong. I open my mouth to tell him so, but Matt stands up.Thank goodness.Extreme emotion conveys passion.
“I can’t find a pen. Ember, do you mind taking a picture?” Matt looks at Noah. “Is that okay with you?”
Noah nods, and I want to laugh. Throw my head back and let loose an unladylike howl of a laugh.
In what universe is this happening?
Matt positions himself beside Noah, lifts his arm like maybe he’s going to throw it over Noah’s shoulder, decides not to, and drops it. The whole thing is awkward.
“Smile.” I hold up the phone. Matt’s grin reaches his ears, but Noah’s is barely passable.
A woman’s bored voice comes over the intercom system, and we all three listen. I stop paying attention when she doesn’t say Los Angeles, but Noah tells us they’re calling his flight. Matt steps back to my side, taking his phone from me and sliding an arm around my waist.
For a nanosecond Noah looks as if he wants to rip Matt’s arm off, but he changes course quickly. “It was nice to see you, Ember. It’s been… a while.” Now he grins, a real, knowing smile, and I want to melt into the floor. Whatever he’s recalling from the last time we saw each other, it’s most definitely not for anyone else’s eyes.
“Bye, Noah.” It’s a struggle to make my voice nonchalant. Like it’s no big deal that I’ve seen him, and even less of a deal that he’s leaving.
He skillfully navigates a turn with the crutches, and I wonder if he’s used them before. The thought makes me sad. He’s the most significant person in my history, and I know so little about him now.
A rhythmic and slow progression carries him through the crowd. He requires a lot of space, and most people give it to him when they realize he’s injured. Others stare in recognition. Twice on the way to his gate he’s stopped to sign an autograph. Inside my chest, a peal of acerbic laughter erupts.He’s autographed my heart. My soul. My memories. Do they count?
Matt and I watch until the crowd swallows Noah and we can no longer see him. Shaking his head, Matt turns to me. “I can’t believe you know Noah Sutton. That is so cool.”
Oh yeah? Do you want to know what is not cool? How fanboy you sound right now.
I bite my tongue and push down the scathing remark. I’m angry, and not at Matt. If Noah would treat me as if I’m nothing more than an old friend, this would all be so much easier. But, no. He has to look at me with eyes thatseeme. Eyes thatknow.
“He was my first,” I blurt out. I can’t stand it. Keeping it hidden makes it feel illicit, and maybe that’s the problem. If I tell Matt, maybe it will take away Noah’s hold on me. A smidgen of it, anyway.
Matt looks surprised. “First kiss? Or, like,firstfirst?”
“Firstfirst.”
He pushes out his lips and nods, hands in his pockets, as he thinks for a moment. “Violet Crabtree was my first.”
“Okay?” It comes out like a question. Why is he telling me this?
“Now we know that about each other. Check it off the list.” Removing a hand from his pocket, he places it on my arm and squeezes. “I’m going to run to the bathroom before they call our flight.” He starts to leave but turns back around. “I grabbed something for you to eat. It’s on the seat beside you. It’s not healthy, but beggars can’t be choosers.” He shrugs and walks off.
That went…well. Like, really well.You got lucky with Matt.
Resolve runs through me. Matt is a good person and deserves more from me. Noah is a part of my past, but I don’t have to romanticize it so much. That’s all I’m doing. Looking back wearing rose colored glasses. I’m sure if I think really hard, I’ll remember things about Noah that weren’t great. I can’t think of any off the top of my head, but I’m certain they’re there, buried somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind.
From now on, I’m going to focus on Matt.
Yep. That’s what I’ll do. I feel good about that decision already.
My stomach grumbles and I cover it with a hand. Good thing my really sweet, mature, kindboyfriendMatt got something for me to eat. I reach into the seat beside me and wrap my fingers around the crinkling bag.
I can do this.
Opening the bag, I crunch through three potato chips and try to stop feeling like I’ve been punched in the stomach.
26
Noah
