I tip my head to the side and grin sadly into his hair. “Yes to one, and no to the other.”
“No sex?” He lifts his head from its inspection, wary eyes pinning me. My cheeks warm as I think about the many times Noah and I were together. Sheets off the bed, toe-curling, soul-satisfying, mind-bending… Dayton runs a bent finger over my cheek. “So yes to the sex then. And no to the regret.” He winks at me. “That’s my girl.”
I try to smile at his praise, but I can’t. The sadness of the morning is taking over, and my control slips further and further from my grasp.
“Tell me everything.” Dayton rolls his eyes, well aware of my refusal to share intimate details. “Well, your version of everything, anyway.”
I don’t say anything. I simply can’t speak. The sorrow in my heart wells up and out, snaking through my system and overtaking me. The tears I was successful holding back with Noah come bounding forward now.
Dayton stares at me in horror. He may be gay, but he has the same deer-in-the-headlights look of any guy who has a weeping female in front of him. I grab a tissue from the box on the coffee table and blow my nose. I’m blotting my cheeks when Dayton pseudo-apologizes.
“I’ve never seen you cry before. I didn’t know you had tears in your body. I guess it makes sense, since I’ve seen you sweat like a pig more times than my momma has pulled a Sunday roast from the oven.”
Despite my splintered chest, I smile.
Dayton sinks onto the couch, grabbing my hands on his way down. He pulls me from where I sit on the coffee table and into his arms.
Snuggled next to him, my head rests on his chest while his hand strokes my hair. “I thought I could do it. I was so high from the rush of seeing Noah. It’s like I kept going up, up, up.” My free hand reaches out, lifting higher and higher, mimicking a roller coaster on its ascent. “Each minute was better than the last while he was here, and then he left, and… crash.” My hand fists, dropping onto Dayton’s thigh. “Go ahead and say it.”
“What?”
“That thing you’re dying to say to me.”
“I’m not dying to tell you I was right.”
I smack his knee. “I see how you slipped that in there.”
Beneath my head his chest shakes.
“It was worth it though. All of this.” I palm my chest. “The last two nights were worth it.”
“Then that's all that matters.”
Dayton holds me until my neck begins to hurt.
“I’m going to grab a shower,” I say, standing. I’m teaching in two hours, and I need to get ready. I could still get a sub, the way I planned to do when I thought I’d be spending the day with Noah, but it will be good for me to work.
Dayton pinches his nose and makes a face. “Please do.” He waves an open palm in front of him. “You smell like things that would make you blush if I said them.”
Halfway across the living room I pause and look over my shoulder. “Two nights ago I had sex right where you’re sitting.”
Dayton is quiet for a beat. “Who’s bare ass was on the cushion? Yours or soccer stud’s?”
“Soccer stud.”
“I’ll just get cozy then,” Dayton jokes, wiggling his hips and burrowing deeper into the couch.
I grab a throw pillow from the chair and make good use of its name. The pillow hits Dayton squarely in the head.
He laughs and rises from the couch, following me down the hall. “Want me to wash your sheets?”
I stop, one hand on the bathroom door handle, and consider his offer.
“Yes,” I say, before hurrying into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
Sagging against the wall, I slide slowly and the floor catches me. As much as I want to keep Noah’s scent on my sheets, I want to get rid of it in equal measure. Clean break this time, right? That’s what I tell myself through the silent sobs. I chant it without a sound, as the curtain of tears falls from my eyes.
I knew what I was getting myself into. Yet, I went through with it. There is no love without sorrow. Rising from the floor, I reach into the shower and turn on the water. I undress, and the tears that are in free fall hit my bare skin.
