I can tell she doesn’t want to. She reaches out beyond the edge of the blanket, scooping, and lets the pebbles drip through her fingers, like sugar through a sieve when Gretchen bakes a pie.
“You don’t have to.” My words are vehement. “You don’t have to give up on your dreams.” The things I love about Ember are the very same things making me frustrated now.
How is that possible? How can she drive me to insanity at the same time that I want to wrap my arms around her and pull her tight, press my lips to hers and let her essence engulf me?
“I’m not giving up, Noah.” Ember’s voice hardens. She’s mad too. “I’m pressing the pause button. It’s different.”
“What if you never press play again? How can you give that up?”
Her expression changes into a soft, despondent look. “Did you know there’s a discount grocery store in Brazelton?”
I blink twice. Why in the world is Ember talking about a store in a town thirty minutes away?
“No,” I say slowly, my mind racing to figure out how this fits into our conversation.
“When I was ten we had to go there. My mom lost a whole bunch of houses, and we had nothing.Nothing.We ate pork and beans from cans. Dented cans.”
Ember pulls her legs into herself, resting her chin on the crack between her knees.
“You’ve never had to wonder what the next month will be like, and I’m happy for that, but I have. And I won’t let that happen again. I’m not ten anymore. I can make a difference. You ask how I can give up on my dream, but I ask how I can allow my mother to eat food from a dented can.”
Shit. What is there to say? I’m a privileged boy from a wealthy family. Coach Dalto just waltzed onto my parents’ vineyard and laid more gold bricks on my path.
How is that fair?
Ember is good. Better than good. She’s extraordinary. Why isn’t the universe knocking down her door, asking her to come out and spread what she has with the rest of the world?
“I’m sorry.” I breathe the words. I wish I had more to offer her in this moment, but I don’t.
“There’s nothing for you to apologize for. That’s just what happened. It’s nothing more than that.” She shrugs. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it happen again.”
“Me neither,” I declare, an idea forming. It’s stupid, and it’ll go over worse than a cockroach infestation at Sutton House, but at this point I don’t care.
“I’m going to stay here,” I say, jabbing the ground with one finger. “I’ll get a job, go to Northmount Community College. We’ll help your mom, and when you’re ready, we’ll make the move to a university. Ember, I’m serious. I love you.”
“You love soccer.”
“I love you more.”
“You have a spot on a college soccer team waiting for you.”
“I have a vineyard waiting for me too. Not to sound like an arrogant prick, but it’s not as if my alternative to playing soccer in college is shoveling shit at a manure factory. Either way I go, I’ll be okay.”
“Noah.” Ember runs a hand over my cheek, lets it drag across my chest. “You try and stay here, and there won’t be a relationship to stay for.”
For a second my whole world tilts on its axis. “What?”
“I’m serious. I won’t let you pass on an opportunity like this.”
“You love me.”
“I do. And that’s why I’d never allow you to give up Stanford for me.”
I look in her eyes and see the strength of a warrior, her resolve hard and cold like steel. I don’t want to press the issue. A large part of me wants to challenge her, but seeing her now, I know better.
After getting off the blanket, I reach out a hand and help her up.
I take her to my house. The concert my parents went to won’t be over for hours.
