“Going to be fine.” Iinterrupt.
Claire is wearing a lift vest, pulled tight and triple-checked by Aubrey, and playing knee deep in the water while our paddle board instructor, Bodie, gives us our first lesson. Aubrey listensclosely.
When he’s finished, Bodie tells Aubrey to get on, then has me place Claire on the board in front ofher.
We paddle out the way we’ve been taught. Aubrey goes slowly, and I have to keep slowing down for her. After a while, her shoulders drop from her ears. She begins smiling. The wind lifts her ponytail. Claire sits cross-legged in front of Aubrey, pointing at everything shesees.
We paddle to a cove and climb off. Claire stays on until we’ve walked the boards almost completely out of the water. She hops off and splashes around while Aubrey and I watch from our place on the warmsand.
“Thank you,” Aubrey murmurs. With two fists, she gathers sand and buries herfeet.
“For bringing youhere?”
“Yes. And…for…” She sighs and shakes her head,frustrated.
“You’re welcome.” I don’t need to hear the actual words. Just knowing she’s thinking them is enough. Knowing I’m making her feel like that is better than anexplanation.
We spend forty more minutes there, splashing with Claire and collecting rocks to leave a message in the sand.We werehere.
When we arrive back at the marina, Aubrey looks unhappy it’s over. “Pick out a place for us where we can eat lunch.” I tell her. “I’m going to make sure everything is settled up withBodie.”
Behind the desk in the little white building sits Bodie. In front of the desk is a dog, maybe a lab mix. It lies sleeping but perks up when I set my foot in theplace.
Bodie looks up when the dog runs over to me. “Hey, man, how was it? Did your wife havefun?”
My hand, which had been scratching the top of the dogs head, stills. “Uh, yeah, she did.” I take my hand back. “She loved it.” I don’t want to correct him. His assumption does things to my heart and my head. Goodthings.
I pay Bodie for the lesson and the rental and shake his hand. He walks out with me to where Aubrey and Clairewait.
“It was nice to meet you both,” he says to them. “I love seeing families here. If you play together, you stay together.” With a nod at me he disappears back into his shop. Faintly I hear him talking to hisdog.
“Did you find a spot for lunch?” I askAubrey.
She hands me her phone. On it are a list of choices she found in an internet search. A drop of water runs down the face of the phone, so I flick it off. Aubrey sniffs. I look at her, but she’s already turnedaway.
“Don’t,” she pleads, her voicequiet.
Like in the truck and at the cove, I don’t push for more. And like before, I alreadyknow.
I’ve never been so happy to see a womancry.
Aubrey’s walls won’t be vanquished with the force of a wrecking ball or the smack of asledgehammer.
She needslove.
It’s something I’ve been unknowingly giving her since dayone.
God help me, I loveher.
I’m letting Isaac in.It was sub-conscious at first. I think. But now it’s pretty damn conscious. Getting out of his bed every morning takes superhumanstrength.
Five more minutes of warm toes pressedtogether.
A few more seconds of a smile he hasn’t yet given to anybody else thatday.
And sometimes, if we’re lucky, we pretend we have anhour…
* * *
