“Say it.” We're almost to the parking structure. The mall is only a few minutes away, making it perfect for a lunchtime eat and shop. “Please,” I add, in case she thinks I'mangry.
“You've come so far. Since you had Claire, I mean. She gave you something to focus on besidesyou know who. I'm afraid this brunch will cause undue pain.” She shrugs apologetically. “Sorry. I evaluate risk for aliving.”
“So do I.” I sigh and rub my eyes at a redlight.
“Which is why I find it so interesting you agreed togo.”
“You aren't the only one wondering what I wasthinking.”
“You must have areason?”
“It felt like the right thing to do. Lucia asked. I didn't want to tell her no. And Claire might enjoy it. Maybe this is a tradition I can start withher.”
“At the expense of yourfeelings?”
I get what Britt is trying to say. But what she doesn't understand is that everything I do is at the expense of my feelings. I'm bombarded with reminders of my mother’s absence. Last week I watched a movie, and the credits showed the actress and her mother sitting on a couch, and the mom was talking about the actress as a child. One of the mothers of a child in Claire's class got caught in traffic yesterday, and she couldn't make it to pick-up in time. Guess who bailed her out? This morning at drop-off she gushed about howamazingit is to have a mom, and the other women standing around started saying things like,I couldn't live without my momandmy mom is my best friend.Me standing there and chatting with these women was at the expense of my own feelings, and the crazy part is that I never know just when the hits will come. Willingly subjecting myself to this brunch won't be any different. If anything, at least I'll beprepared.
I drive through the now green light and pull into the parking garage. “I appreciate your concern. But don't worry, I'llbe—”
“Fine?” Britt's lips twist in an ironicsmile.
I park and climb out, shooting her a look over the top of my car. “Yes. Now can you please help me pick out something daytime fancy? Or do I need to go italone?”
“God, no, don't go it alone.” She shuddersplayfully.
Our heels snap against the concrete floor as we switch into power shopping mode. If anybody can get me daytime fancy in forty-five minutes, it's my bestfriend.
* * *
I'm ready.
I think,anyway.
Maybe prepared is a better word. I'mpreparedto be hit over the head with mother-daughterlove.
It's not just the brunch I needed to prepare for. All week long, it’s been a gluttony of maternal love and praise. This time of year alwaysis.
I walk out of my room, Claire's rose gold patent leather flats dangling from one hand. Isaac and Claire are in the living room, sitting on the couch. He's running a brush through her hair. She sits poised, eyes wide, and Isaac looks like he's concentrating. It makes mesmile.
Isaac catches sight of me and whispers loudly down to Claire. “Look at Mommy. Doesn't she lookpretty?”
Claire giggles, one hand over her mouth. “I like your skirt,Mommy.”
I twirl, and she and Isaaclaugh.
“There.” Isaac smooths Claire's hair. “All the tangles aregone.”
Claire scrambles off the couch. “I need my headband.” She runs from theroom.
When she’s disappeared down the hall, Isaac turns to me, eyebrows creased. “Aubrey, while we have a second alone, I just wanted to make sure this brunch is OK withyou.”
His concern makes me feel warminside.
When I don't answer right away, he takes my hand and turns it over, fingertips trailing across the skin. “You can tell her you changed your mind. My mom won't be mad. She'dunderstand.”
I swallow, fighting off the tingling sensation starting up in my thighs. He's so close, and he smells so good. Does he know? Does he know what his nearness is doing to me? I can't focus on anything right now. He's waiting for me to answer him, imploring me with hiseyes.
“Um, yeah. I don't think that's necessary. I'll be all right.” I withdraw my hand. It's for the best that we break physical contact. Hurt shadows the brightness in his eyes. Knowing I put it there makes me feelbad.
