With one foot I push off the ground, letting the gentle sway calm me. For the moment, hidden out here behind the wall of ivy, I can pretend like today didn’thappen.
Of course, in order to forget, my mind would have to stop relentlessly throwing memories and what-if's at me. Right now, between the two adults living in this house, my dad is the only one allowing me to forget, and that's because he went mute the second we arrived home. I’m pretty sure he’s mad at me for lying to him about Isaac’s name. It was so long ago I don’t even fully remember why I lied. Mostly I think it was to establish my distance from the fiasco that produced the best thing in myworld.
The night is pitch black, but it’s noisy. My neighbors are having a party. Judging by the giggles from girls and loud calls ofbro, it’s either the high-school son or older, college-age boy. Either way, it doesn’t matter. It's a Saturday night. I'd care about the noise if Claire wasn't passed out harder than some of those partygoers will be later. And I certainly don't need quiet rightnow.
Taking a sip of wine, I push off the ground once more, sending the swing into the air. I breathe in a deep breath through my nose and blow it out loudly. The swing slows on its own, until it comes to a stop. With my face upturned and my eyes closed, I let out an audiblegroan.
“How did this happen?” The question slips out, joining the din next door. This whole day feels surreal. Maybe I’ll wake up and find it was just adream.
“That’s what I’d like toknow.”
My eyes flyopen.
Isaac is leaning against the brick post closest to me. He looks like Isaac from the night we first met. Jeans, a gray zip-up hoodie. His gaze is intense, and I find myself squirming beneathit.
“Mind if I sit down?” he asks, but he’s already coming myway.
I shake my head and scoot over. The swing moves when he settles besideme.
“How did you find out where I live?” I concentrate on the intricate threading of ivy between the two posts. I can’t bear to look in hiseyes.
“I have a friend inadmissions.”
I nod, preparing myself for what I know iscoming.
“I went there after the surgery. I wanted to know Claire’s birthday.” He speaks slowly, his toneresolute.
My breath sucks back into my throat and fills my lungs. If he hasn’t already figured it out, he’s right on the edge ofknowing.
“February second,” Iwhisper.
“And nine months before that was May. I don’t know what you did for thirty out of thirty-one days that month, but I know what you did for one hour ofit.”
The nerves engulf my body. He deserves to know, I understand that, but what will happen once he does? I don’t have the perfect family, but what I do have is my own tiny slice of heaven. Will he take that fromme?
“Just ask the question you came here to ask.” I can’t take this. We need to get it over with so I can assess how much Isaac is going to threaten my way oflife.
He shakes his head. “I knew the answer the first time I looked into her eyes. I went to admissions for confirmation. Between her birthday and the fact that you’re the only parent listed on her paperwork, that was all Ineeded.”
I look at him. He’s facing me. I don’t see anger on his face. His look is more…serene? No. Content? Maybe. More likepleased.
“I tried to find you.” I feel the need to defend my actions, though he’s accused me of nothing. “Two weeks after I got a positive test. I went to your apartment. You’d already moved. I knew you were long gone, to wherever it was you weregoing—”
“Africa.”
“You went toAfrica?”
“For a while, yes. Then I extended my trip and went to different areas in South America.” He palms the stubble on his cheeks, throwing a glance at me. “I didn’t think there was much for me here. And there, in the places I went to, the kids needed help. I learned a lot. It’s why I was calledtoday.”
I don’t know what to say. I’m beyond impressed, and in a way I feel like it’s a good thing I left his place that night. All those children needed him to fix them, and back home there was one child who needed him in a differentway.
“It’s good to know you tried to find me.” He says. “I didn’t leave much of a trail,though.”
The image of the man who answered the door at Isaac’s old apartment flits through my mind. I shake my head and say, “I did what I could. After that, what was I supposed todo?”
Isaac’s fists ball in his lap, then his fingers flex out. “I don’t know… This situation is so messed up. This morning I got a call about a little girl who was going to need emergency surgery. And you know what? That’s not uncommon. It’s actually typical.” He leans forward to rest his head in his hands. “But that’s when everything typical ended. And what am I supposed to tell myfiancée?”
I knew it. I knew this was going to happen. He has a fiancée. He’s a doctor with a fiancée and a perfect life and they’re planning a beautiful wedding and he’s going to take my little girl every other weekend and someholidays.
