“So did you or did you not bang Raquel?”
“I think that’s such a crude term, Katherine. Don’t you?”
“Whatever. What would you say? Make love? Did you make love to Raquel?”
“Do you really want to know the answer to that question?”
“No. I don’t really care anyway.”
“I was just calling to thank you for the evening. I appreciate your acting skills.”
“Really? You appreciate them, huh? Even though I could see you making faces at me.” She starts laughing.
“You do have to admit, you did go a little bit far.”
“What’s a little bit far?”
“Telling everyone that we went to a psychic and that the psychic said we were going to be married within a year?”
She giggles. “Okay, I mean, it wasn’t that bad.”
“Telling everyone it was my idea to go to a second psychic to get our palms read, just to make sure the first psychic was correct didn’t exactly make me look great.”
She laughs even louder. “Hey, you didn’t tell me there were parameters of what I could or couldn’t say when I was your girlfriend.”
“I guess that’s true. But anyway, thank you. Raquel texted me, and it seems like she wants nothing to do with me now.”
“She’s probably nervous that I’ll scratch her eyes out.”
“Yeah, maybe. So, Katherine, that leads me to a question.”
“No. I don’t want to have phone sex. No, I don’t want to have real sex. No, I’m not going to give you a blowjob. No, I don’t want oral from you. No, we are not going to make out.”
“Those are not the questions I had for you.”
“Okay. Then what is the question you have for me?”
“I was wondering?—”
“You were wondering what?”
“I was wondering if you were in an actual relationship. With a real man—or I suppose a real woman.”
“Are you asking me if I’m gay? Do you think I’m a lesbian? Is that why you think I don’t want to sleep with you—because I prefer women?”
“No. I was just curious if you were in a relationship. I guess I just want to know if you’re dating anyone.”
“Why do you care?” she asks suspiciously.
“I just want to know if there’s anyone I should be apologizing to for making you pretend to be my girlfriend.”
She laughs loudly. “No, Jack. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t have a girlfriend. I am currently single. In fact, I tell my friends I’m desperately single.”
“Desperately single, huh?”
“And no, don’t get any ideas. It doesn’t mean that I want you. I’m not that desperate.”
“Ouch,” I exclaim loudly, though I can’t stop myself from chuckling. “So being with me would be something you’d only do if I were the only man on earth?”
