“I don’t even think Eddie Murphy does stand-up anymore.”
“Chris Rock?”
“After the Will Smith thing? We don’t need that kind of—” I stare at him and hold my hand up.
“What? I’m just saying!”
“Chelsea Handler?”
“No.”
“Ricky Iglesia?”
Zac frowns. “Who the hell is Ricky Iglesia?”
“Isn’t he a comedian?” I ask him. I’m starting to get annoyed. This is the last conversation I want to be having at this time.
“Not that I’ve heard of.”
“Jeff Foxworthy?”
He starts laughing. “Bro, we’re in New York City, not Kentucky.”
“Lots of people like Jeff Foxworthy. He’s funny.”
“You would go to see Jeff Foxworthy?” he asks in disbelief as we walk out of my office and head to get some food.
“I mean, if I had a date that wanted to—” I shrug, not even sure if I believe it myself. I don’t date the sort of women who want to go to comedy shows.
He laughs. “So how’s the love life, anyway?” He looks at me as if he already knows the answer, and he finds it funny. I don’t have the energy to explain that I’m running a multi-billion dollar business and don’t have the time or the energy to pursue a relationship. I don’t need any complications distracting me from my schedule.
“Same old. What about you?”
“It’s crap. Sara Sote dumped me.”
“I didn’t know you were dating anyone named Sara Sote.”
“I mean, we weren’t dating. We were friends with benefits. You met her, didn’t you? After we competed in that couples mud wrestling competition?”
“Doesn’t sound familiar.” I want to groan. I already know that whatever story he has to tell me will be ridiculous. Nothing involving a couple’s mud wrestling competition was going to be sweet and innocent. Not that I thought my brother was innocent in any way. I just wish he’d spend as much time thinking about business as he did thinking about getting laid.
“Remember, we were naked, and I was telling you she got upset because the other girl was on top of me, rubbing her nips on my lips, and she thought…” He shook his head as his eyes lit up with the memory of whatever deed he had definitely gotten up to. “Well, no matter what she thought.” He grins. “That was a good day, but then she started getting jealous and was no longer interested in being casual.”
“So she no longer wants to be friends with benefits with you? Is that why it broke off?”
“Let’s just say she saw another woman’s nipple accidentally in my mouth and she got jealous.” He shrugged. “I mean, what was she expecting? We were naked wrestling.”
“I have no words, Zac.”
“Anyway, she started acting funny after that, and then she told me she wanted me to take her to Thailand on some sort of couple’s trip. And I was like, why? And she was like, because we’ve been dating for two years now. And I was like, no, we haven’t. And she was like, I thought you were my boyfriend. And I was like, have I ever called you my girlfriend? And she’s like, we’ve been hooking up. And I’m like, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been hooking up with—” He pauses as he sees the look on my face. “Anyway, let’s just say it’s over.”
“So you were in a friends-with-benefits relationship with someone who didn’t know you were in a friends-with-benefits relationship.”
He frowns and shakes his head. “We had threesomes. She knew we weren’t monogamous.”
“But she changed her mind, and then she dumped you.”
“Yeah. I guess she wanted more. But hey, you can’t tie a good man like me down.”
