He waves me off nonchalantly, but he doesn’t deny me the option. He tapes the bandage on me and says, “Hope like hell I don’t see you again for a long time, Anton.”
I smile. Probably for the first time since this whole night started. “Same, Iggy.”
Mikki dropsme and Natalya off before leaving for his own apartment. I told him he was welcome to stay the night here, but he just waved me off and said, “With all due respect, I’d rather sleep in my own bed tonight if that’s all right with you, Boss.”
We walk into the house and without looking at her, I say, “It’s late. You should get some sleep. We can talk about everything tomorrow.”
I take about two or three steps away from her and she says, “Can we talk now?”
I sigh. This woman is exhausting. “Natalya?—”
“Because you just found out something really important and… and I need to know where you land on it. I think you can understand how important it is that I know that, right?”
I turn to look at her. She looks small to me all of a sudden. Her long red hair is a little mussed and her baby blue eyes are rimmed with red. She’s clasping her hands together tightly, waiting for me to say whatever it is that she thinks I should be saying to her.
The truth is that I don’t know what to say. And even if I did, I’m not sure how to say it. “You’re talking about… the baby.”
She nods.
I take a breath. My side is starting to ache and I could really use a drink. “What do you want from me, Natalya? Three hours ago, I didn’t know I was going to be a father in… How far along are you?”
“About six or seven weeks, I think.”
I quickly do the math. That first night we were together. Damn. That long. “How long have you known?”
She pauses, her eyes darting over my face with a slight bit of desperation. “The night after you killed the Amur.”
I stare at her as she looks away in shame. “Were you planning on tell me or were you waiting to throw yourself in front of your father’s AR for dramatic effect?”
She winces slightly. “Anton, he was going to kill you.”
“He would have killed you,” I snap. “I’m legitimately shocked that he hesitated at all, actually. I don’t know if you ever realized this, but your father was a fucking psychopath. He was ready to throw both of your lives away for power.” I have to stop myself from ranting. All these emotions are brewing under the surface like lava in a volcano. “How could you put yourself in danger like that?”
“I did it for you,” she says, her voice breaking. “Anton… I don’t know what I would do if you were dead. I don’t know how I would be able to go on?—”
“Youdon’t know what you would do? What do you think it would have done to me if you died on the same day that I found out that I could’ve been a father? You should never have gotten in the way, Natalya.” I approach her and she flinches, stepping away as tears roll down her face. It stops me cold.
She sniffles and wipes her face with her sleeve. “I didn’t tell you because… because this baby is mine, Anton. It’s my responsibility. It’s not my father’s legacy or your burden. It is mine. At the end of the day, I’m the one who has to carry it. I’ll be the one who needs to care for it.”
She looks up at me as the tears run down her face in rivulets. “The worst thing is that I was going to keep it a secret. I was going to leave here and live my life and you never had to know, but stupid me… Stupid me fucked around and fell in love with you. I was going to tell you this afternoon.”
She pauses as she starts to shake, little sobs bubbling up. “Don’t sweat it, though. You don’t have to worry about what might’ve happened or what will happen, okay? I’m letting you off the hook.”
“Natalya—”
“It doesn’t matter. It never mattered. You were right all along. Now that the danger is past, the best thing for me is to leave. So… that’s what I’ll do. First thing tomorrow, you can wash your hands of this entire thing… and of me.”
I reach out to her but she backs up. “Natalya?—”
She doesn’t say another word to me. She sidesteps me and walks away, up the stairs and out of my sight until I hear her door shut upstairs. I watch after her for a few beats… then I go to my study and make myself a drink. I get as far as the door before I find that I can’t move another step.
What am I doing? Why am I blowing this up?Loyalty’s everything.I step back from the study and look longingly up the stairs after her.
There is nothing to be done. She’s going to leave in the morning and there’s nothing I can say to stop her.
I open the door of my parlor and walk over the threshold. In the morning, she’ll be gone and once she is gone…
Once she’s gone, then I’ll be alone again.
