My phone chirps, signifying the end of three minutes. Ilya takes my hand and says, “Whatever it says and whatever you decide to do after, I’ve got your back.”
I squeeze her hand. It makes me feel somewhat better to have her on my side. Hell, it feels good to haveanybodyon my side at this point.
“Okay,” I say. “Let’s have a look.”
It takes me a second, but I find the will to stand up and walk over to the sink. I’m not even all the way there before I see the word in the stick’s tiny window, as bold and unmistakable as day.Pregnant.
I pick up the stick and stare at it. These new pregnancy tests leave little to question. No little double lines, plus or minus signs, or color changes. Just two words so that there is no mistaking it. Pregnant or Not Pregnant.
And…I’m pregnant. I’mpregnant.I’m fucking carrying Anton Romanov’s baby.
“Holy shit,” Iyla says as she reads the tiny screen over my shoulder. “So… it’s real now. You’re going to have a baby.”
“Yeah.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes, the room thick with our thoughts. I’m pregnant and among all the possible people who might want to kill me, this baby’s father might be one of them. Would the news of the pending birth of his child change that?
I don’t know. I don’t even know if Anton would even want to be a father in the first place. I know almost nothing about him, in fact. In the end, it might boil down to me and this baby and that’s it. Me and this child. My child. My. Baby.
“You’ve got to meet with Anton in about forty-five minutes,” Ilya says softly. “Are you going to tell him?”
My hand instinctively covers my belly. “No,” I tell her. “I don’t think so.”
She doesn’t say anything to that and I get it. My situation isn’t a usual one. It’s completely extraordinary with extraordinary players. It’s 4D chess on a starship.
“In fact,” I add, “I don’t think I’m going to tell anyone. Who else really deserves to know?”
She blinks at me and I can see the question in her eyes before she asks it. “Not even the father? I mean, he could be on board with this pregnancy.”
I sigh. “Romantic fantasies aside, I don’t really know him. I had a one-night stand with a Brava boss. He could be just as cruel as my father. For all I know, he could be a worse father than mine is. No, this is my secret to keep. Nobody gets to know about this baby but us.” I look at her, focusing on her so she knows I’m serious. “No one. Not even Rodney. Got it? All knowledge of this baby stays in this bathroom.”
“Natalya, you can’t keep this baby a secret forever. I mean?—”
“I can keep it a secret for now. As far as later… well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Maybe I’ll have enough money to get out of this town by the time I’m showing. My point is that I don’t want anyone to know about this. It’s important. You understand that, right?”
“Yeah,” she says a little tentatively.
“Lee—”
“I got it, okay? Mum’s the word.” She sighs and crosses her arms. “Oh, boy. This is something.”
“Tell me about it.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and glance at the time. “I should get going. I’m going to be late. Will you be here when I get back?”
“Yeah. I’ll be here. Text me when you’re on your way so I know you’re okay.”
“I will.”
I leave the apartment and with every step, I become more and more sure about this decision. This baby is my secret. No one is going to protect it but me, so I need to do just that. I get into my car and start the engine, rubbing my tummy.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe.”
14
ANTON
The park is nearly empty this afternoon, which worries me. I chose this location because it was highly public. Nikolai’s not stupid enough to send his men after me here in front of witnesses. At least, I don’t think he is. I’d feel better if it were busier out here today.
Along the cement path leading to the large fountain in the center of the park, I pass by a few joggers, a couple of young mothers on a bench chatting with their babies snug in their carriages, a couple of kids on bikes… It’s a surreal experience for me to be in spaces like this sometimes, the green of the grass and the large trees with branches hanging over the path, providing moments of shade as I pass by. The fresh smell in the air and the mildly warm breeze are relaxing. It almost makes me want to lower my guard.
