After sex, we lay in the bed kissing. He wrapped his arms around me and held me, insisting that I stay, just for a while. Just until he felt like I would be alright to move just in case he was too rough on me. He rubbed my sore ass softly and asked me how Ifelt, making sure I was okay. It wasn’t a cursory question, either. He really wanted to know that I was whole after that experience. But I was. I am. I’m more than all right.
I want to fill every inch of that tight little snatch so good you’ll feel me for days after. I don’t want you to forget this night.
I smile. I can still feel him inside me in every step I take and every little move of my hips. It’s like he’s marked me in more ways than one. I feel like we’re connected by an invisible string.
This is so crazy. This man has always been completely off limits to me. Is this feeling sweeter because of that? Or because of him? How could I ever tell? I’ve never been in this space before.
He’s right about one thing. I’m never going to forget. Even though I know that doing something like this again would be suicide. My father might be a tyrant and he might even hate me, but I’m sure he would still kill Anton if he knew, if for no other reason than to preserve his own honor.
I shower. The feeling of the warm water on my skin feels a little different today. It’s so strange. That feeling I was looking for after I lost my virginity, like I was a new person altogether, it’s here now. My skin feels softer, like something new had grown over in place of the old. The little stings of pain from my pussy and the skin of my ass I don’t mind, because it’s like I’ve gotten a factory reset.
Hmm. Maybe this is what a first time is supposed to be. Maybe it’s got nothing to do with the physical aspect like the breaking of a hymen or shit like that. Maybe it’s all about this feeling.
God, I wish I could go back and do this all over again. I’m sure I’ll never feel this again with anyone else.
I get out of the shower, dry off, and get ready for bed. As I slip into my nightgown, I debate calling Ilya to gush about what happened, but I decide against it. She and Rodney disappeared soon after we arrived at the club, off to play in their own way, I guess. I can imagine they had a late night just like I did. I’ll connect with her later, after I get some sleep. I’m exhausted.
I pull the shades and slump into my bed. In seconds, I start to drift off, and my last thought before sleep takes me is of Anton holding me in his arms and how safe I felt with him.
The melodyof my phone interrupts my dreams. I open my eyes groggily to see my phone chiming and vibrating on my nightstand. I lift my head to see the nameDaddyover the phone number on my screen.
Anton. With a smile, I answer. “Hello?”
“Good morning,” he says. “Or afternoon. I see you got home all right.”
“Sorry, I forgot to text you. I was exhausted.” I lay back on my pillow. The low pitch of his voice is like honey. Salve for my emotional wounds.
“It’s all right,” he says. “I’m just glad to hear you’re okay.” He pauses. It’s just half of a second, but long enough for a million thoughts to cross my mind.Are you calling to say you regret what happened? Or to apologize? Please don’t. You were wonderful.
“I was hoping,” he says, “that you might be available sometime for dinner.”
This heavy elation on my heart is almost more than I can bear. Everything in me wants to say yes. Of course I’m available! I know better, though. Me and Anton… we don’t have normal lives.
“Are you sure that’s wise?” I ask him. “I mean… you know who my father is.”
“I know.” He sighs, then again, a little lower, “I know. What happened last night was a serious breach of protocol. If I were in your father’s shoes, I’d start a war without hesitation the moment I found out someone laid a hand on you.”
I chew on my lip, listening to him, savoring every second that I have before we both go our separate ways. The tiniest sliver of madness takes over me and I respond with, “We would have to move in secret. I mean, no one could know. Not your people, not his. I know how you Bratva types like to gossip.”
He laughs. It’s an unexpected sound, like a lion’s joyful rumble. “You must be eavesdropping on your father’s meetings. I’ve personally heard weathered brigadiers sitting around gossiping like teenage girls.” He pauses, then, “You’re right. We should end this before it starts… but if a time ever comes that you change your mind or just need a night away, consider my door open. Last night was… it was wonderful. You’re a natural at being a submissive.”
“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.”
“It’s a compliment, believe me. You were perfect. No notes.”
Ugh. What I wouldn’t give to have met him in another time. If only we were different people. Shit.
“Thank you,” I say. “And I’ll keep your invitation in mind.” That’s not a lie. Pretty soon, I will be out of my father’s house. Maybe one night in the near future, I’ll find myself standing on his doorstep. In the meantime… it is what it is.
“See you around, Anton.”
He utters a short chuckle. “See you around,Devushka.”
I swear I don’t think I’ll ever hear that word the same again.
After hanging up, I look at his number in my contacts. We exchanged numbers as I was leaving and at the time, it made sense.Text me to let me know you made it home all right.I didn’t, of course. My father made sure that didn’t happen. But now, he’s in my contacts, playfully marked as ‘Daddy’.
The thought of erasing his number crosses my mind. It does feel like a little bit of a risk to have it, just in case my father somehow gets ahold of this phone. Then again, I’ll be gone by the end of the week. Getting access to me or my phone is going to prove difficult for him, should he think to try.
