“He’s a harsh man. He said that I could either join the Peace Corps or become a nun somewhere in Russia. If I don’t want to do either of those things, then I can live on the street.” I feel the sobs start to rise in my throat again as I replay all the awful things he said to me. “He said that he’s hated me since I killed my mother.” And I’m crying again.
“Oh, my God,” she whispers. “Nat… that’s really shitty of him. I’m sorry your dad’s an asshole.”
I press my heels to my eyes, trying to stop myself from crying even more. I hear her sigh.
“Listen, why don’t you go out with me and Rodney tonight?” she said. “We’re going to check out that club I told you about.”
“Ew, the sex club? Lee, I don’t know about that?—”
“Come on. You woke up this morning and your life turned to shit. Are you really telling me that getting some action tonight wouldn’t make you feel a little better?”
I snicker. “You said there were other things to do there. Like… drink and stuff.”
“I mean, yeah. Rodney says that if you don’t want to participate, you don’t have to. There are stations you can just stand by and watch stuff go down. You can keep all your clothes on, and you definitely don’t have to actually do anything with anybody if you don’t want to.”
I sniffle and silently debate it. All this talk of freedom and living a little and here I am actually debating whether or not to go to a sex club with my best friend and her ex. It’s the very definition of everything she’s talking about I should be doing instead of being my father’s ‘inmate’.
“I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel,” I tell her tentatively.
“Then don’t. When we’re there, if you see something or someone you like, feel free to explore. Just be safe and call me in the morning so I know you’re all right. Come on, Nat. You need this.”
I smile at the idea of having some poor accountant bent over while I paddle his bare ass. I’ve never been a dominant type of person… or have I? It’s not something I’ve ever explored.
Maybe tonight is the night that I get the chance.
“Okay,” I say to her. “What time?”
“Atta girl.”
8
ANTON
This bed is too big.
I don’t know how Maksim slept alone in it night after night. Or maybe he didn’t. He never married, but he did keep a woman every now and again. Perhaps that was how he kept his sanity sleeping in this mountain range of a bed on nights like this.
I don’t know exactly what’s keeping me up. I’ve been lying here looking at the ceiling between the points of the four posts that flank me. Insomnia is not a thing that normally haunts me.
I’ve been edgy lately. Maksim’s death has left a hole in me that I need to fill. I keep thinking that once I avenge his death, it’ll all fall into place, but I wonder. It kind of feels like this hole has been here the whole time. It just got bigger when Maksim died.
This is the same feeling I had when my father left. He was Maksim’s Sovietnik when I was young and from what I understand, he was the best at what he did. No one under Maksim so much as sneezed without him knowing about it.
And then, one day, it all changed. Everything changed. Suddenly, the world I thought I knew was gone. My father was gone and I was left alone. Luckily for me, Maksim stepped in.
But now, he’s gone too. I’m lying in his bed in his house and he’s not here.
I roll over and grab my phone from the nightstand. It’s almost one in the morning. I’m not likely to get any sleep tonight, so why bother? I should make better use of my time.
As I get up, I start running through what I can do to keep my mind occupied, and it all has to do with doing Bratva shit. Checking in with Mikki to see if he’s heard anything yet from the Amur or how far he’s in with our plans. It’s only been a few hours since we talked at dinner…
And a few hours since I saw Vladmir Petrov’s daughter. What a fucking knockout she’s become.
The minute I think of her, my body responds. My cock stirs under my boxers, hungry for something I’ve denied myself from having since Kat.
Perhaps that’s all I need tonight. Sex has always been the best distraction when the shadows in my room got too long. I suppose I could partake in the stable of women we employ just for these purposes… but… I don’t know. I’ve never been a fan of paid sex. The false ego boost is like a heroin shot in that it’s only really good once and then you spend your life chasing that first time.
And I am not a man who chases pussy.
