“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to hover or not, so I left you to it. Should I have been here?” Baz asked.
Kaia thought about it before she shook her head. “No. It was good with just me and Rafe. Today wasn’t about me anyway, it was about Rafe. I was just his support through it all. I’m just emotionally drained from it now.”
Shar was draped over Rafe’s other side so Baz moved to Kaia’s other side and wrapped around her. “Well, we’re here now. Lean on us. We’ve got you. I’ve got you, beautiful,” he told her.
Kaia closed her eyes as a few tears trickled out of her eyes. She could hear the breath rattling in Rafe’s chest. He was so drained from the day he was barely holding onto consciousness and that scared her. Would he wake up if he closed his eyes now? Or would this be the last time she looked into those deep green eyes and saw the love he had for her shining in them? Was it fair of her to demand he hang on just for her? Or was it cruel?
“It’s okay, love. You can let go. I love you, so much. And it’s going to break a piece of me to lose you, but it’s not fair of me to expect you to hold on just for me. I know you’re tired. You’re fighting every day just because I don’t want to let you go, and that’s not fair to you. So it’s okay. You can let go,” she said softly, caressing his cheek.
“I love you,” he whispered as his eyes drifted closed. “I love all of you.”
They sat there watching as his chest rose and fell for several minutes, and then…it stopped. Kaia stared at Rafe’s chest, willing it to rise again but nothing happened. “Rafe? Love? Lonir, please don’t take him yet. I’m not ready to lose him,” she cried.
Baz pulled her into his arms. “Shh, beautiful. He’s gone. He heard your words. He let go because youwereready, even though it hurts. He loved us with his last breath, and he’ll love us into the afterlife.” He reached down and touched Rafe’s chest. “May Shenbus see you safely into the afterlife my love, and may we see each other again one day.”
Kaia wailed, her cries echoing through the compound, a sign to all who heard that Rafe had breathed his last breath.
All throughout the compound people stopped what they were doing and said the same prayer, “May Shenbus see you safely into the afterlife and may we see each other again one day.”
Kaia was numb as Baz moved into action. The days where bodies could linger so you could mourn over them were long gone. The hot desert sun would cause the body to ripen and rot quickly. “Kaia, beautiful, we need to get the funeral pyre started,” he said gently.
She blinked as if hearing him from a distance. “What?”
“The funeral pyre. We need to get it built.”
“Oh. Right.” She started to get up and he put a hand on her shoulder. “No, you stay near him. I’ll take care of it. I just wanted you to know why I was leaving. I didn’t want you to worry.”
“Oh. Okay.” His body was already growing cold and she hated that. She would never see those green eyes sparkle with mischief again, never hear his deep laugh, never feel the caress of those calloused fingers. From one breath to the next he was just…gone.
“Nothing is ever going to be the same now, without you Rafe,” she said into the silence.
Shar moved to her and wrapped her arms around her. “I know I didn’t know him for long, but I cared for him. And I could tell he loved you so much. He lingered as long as he could just so you could have him for as long as possible,” she said softly.
“Yeah, I know. What kind of selfish bitch does that make me?” Kaia asked.
“It doesn’t make you a selfish bitch, Kaia. It makes you a woman deeply in love. And he was just as deeply in love with you. It’s enviable, the love you two shared.”
Kaia reached up and touched Shar’s cheek. “It’s one you’ll have, too. There’s enough room in my heart for you too, baby.”
“I hope so. I want nothing more than to be loved like that.”
The two women held each other as night descended. Several members of the community came in and moved around them to prepare Rafe’s body for the funeral pyre, wrapping him in gauze that was soaked in an accelerant. Then he was moved to the stretcher and lifted.
Baz approached Kaia and held a hand out to her. Taking a deep breath, Kaia took his hand and stood. She had to do this. She had to say goodbye to one of the loves of her life in front of everyone.
She, Baz, and Shar left the room ahead of the stretcher that held Rafe’s body, and Kaia held her head high as they made their way to where everyone waited for them. Tears were already threatening to fall but she held them in check. Not now. Not yet. She needed to try to get through this first before she fell apart again.
“Thank you everyone for being here. Tonight we gather to say goodbye to an amazing man. Most of you have known Rafe for many years, some decades. You’ve laughed, cried, and fought alongside him, and not once has he let any of you down. Tonight, you’ve not let him down.” She paused because her voice cracked and she had to clear it. “Rafe, I had you in my life for twenty five years. It wasn’t long enough. I wish I had another twenty five, but Lonir didn’t grant me that. I will always love you, and I’m always going to miss you. There will always be this empty space in my heart where you used to be. Nothing will ever be able to fill it. Fly high my love. May Shenbus see you safely into the afterlife and may we see each other again one day.”
“May Shenbus see you safely into the afterlife and may we see each other again one day!” everyone else intoned.
Baz lit the torch and handed it to Kaia. She moved around the pyre, setting it on fire, and then returned to Baz and Shar and let them hold her as she cried. One part of her life was over, but glancing at Shar, she smiled a little. She may have lost one love, but she’d gained a new one as well.
Epilogue
Kaia
One year later
