Chapter Fifty Five
Carly
He loved me. Gio loved me. I’d wanted to say the words back. I really did. But, in the end, I kept them locked inside. A few days after he’d professed his love for me, I found myself at the one place I haven’t been in a while; Lafayette Cemetery No. 1.
Walking through the cemetery, the quiet enveloped me and helped to put my mind at ease. It might seem strange that walking between mausoleums filled with the dead could put the mind at ease, but for me, it did.
When I reached my destination, I closed my eyes and touched the stone in front of me. “Hey, you. I know, it’s been a while since I was here last. I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. I guess I got busy with life, and work. I miss you, so much. Some days, it’s almost hard to breathe when I think about how much you’re missing.”
I sat down and rested my back against the tomb. “I’ve met your family. I don’t know why you never told me about them. I wish I’d known. Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone. Sure, I had Mama to help with Eli, but she had her own life, you know? I told you she got married and moved away, right? She’s living it up in Florida. I’m happy for her, though. Gene is really good to her. She deserves a chance at happiness.”
I pulled a photo of Eli out of my bag. “This is our little boy. Elia Diangelo Ballentyne. He’s starting to look like you. See, he has my eyes, but all of his other features are all you.
“I have a confession to make, Rico. I’ve fallen, hard, for your cousin, Gio. He’s a good man. He says he loves me. I don’t know why. I can be a real bitch sometimes. You know that. You used to tease me and tell me I was the Queen Bitch.”
A sigh escaped me and I leaned my head back so I was looking up toward the sky. “Some really bad things have happened recently. See, your family bought the club I worked at and I was made manager. Can you believe it? No more taking my clothes off for horny, old men.
“Anyway, one of the other dancers, Chablis, was really jealous. Like, psychobitch jealous. She hired someone to kidnap me and maim me.
“During all of this, I also ended up with a crazy stalker who knew where I lived. Gio thought my stalker had grabbed me. It...took a few hours for him to find me.
“My kidnapper carved me up like he was carving a turkey on Thanksgiving. All I see when I look in the mirror is this ruined thing, this science experiment gone wrong, but Gio still says I’m beautiful. Who does that?
“I love him, you know? And that scares the fuck out of me. I loved you with my whole heart and look what happened. Losing you nearly broke me. I loved you, as much as a sixteen year old girl could, and I thought my world had ended when you were taken from me.
“What I feel for Gio, it’s the love of a woman. I know it would shatter me if something happened to him. How do I let go of that fear, Rico? How do I let go and let myself truly love again?”
Several tears slipped down my cheeks, but I ignored them. My eyes were drawn to the insect that alighted on my knee. An Orange Meadowhawk, a colorful species of dragonfly, had chosen me for a spot to rest. The sight made me smile. If I was looking for a sign, this would be it. Rico had had that exact same dragonfly inked on his wrist a few weeks before his death.
I watched the insect until I flew away. “Okay, Rico. Message received. It’s time I let go of my fear, let go of the past, and let someone else in. You’ll always be my first love.”
I stood, touched the stone that encased his remains, and left feeling much lighter than I had when I’d arrived.
Rico was my past but Gio, he was my future.
