“Come on. Let’s get back to da compound.”
Again, Kylie was quiet the entire way. Her mind kept going over everything that happened in the rest-area bathroom. For days now she’d been fighting an internal battle with herself over it. On one hand she felt he deserved to know the kind of person he was claiming as his mate, but on the other hand, she was afraid to tell him because she didn’t want to see the disgust she was certain would be in his gaze.
Once they were on the boat, Kylie closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the swamp. She heard the buzzing of insects, the cries of barred owls as they hunted for food, and the croaking of what many mistook for frogs but was really alligators. If she tuned out the lapping of the water against the boat she could even hear the moss swaying on the trees. She used to think the White Mountains in Maine were gorgeous, but compared to the bayou, they were downright plain.
“Penny for your thoughts, Kitten.”
Her eyes opened and she looked over at Remy. “I was just thinking about how plain the area I grew up in is compared to the bayou.”
Remy chuckled. “Dere’s definitely no place like dis. I know what you’re tinking: I haven’t ever left here, how would I know dere’s no place quite like da bayou anywhere else in da world? Dat’s simple, cher. I don’t have to leave N’Orleans to see photos of da rest of da world.”
“You’re right, there isn’t. When I was on the run from…Ezra, I traveled through several different states, and I couldn’t help but think they all looked the same to me. But New Orleans is different. There’s just something about this city. Maybe that’s why it’s such a hotspot for tourists; the city is unique.”
Once they reached the docks at the compound, she let Remy help her out of his boat and leaned into him a little when he slipped his arm around her to escort her to his home. When they reached it, they didn’t go inside. Instead, they sat on the porch swing where Remy tucked her against his side. Kylie could admit, at least to herself, that it felt nice.
“Talk to me, Kitten. Please. Keepin’ all dese tings locked away inside, it’s only gonna hurt you. Let me in, cher, let me help you.”
Kylie pulled her knees up to her chest where she sat tucked against him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “You deserve better, Remy. You deserve better than a mate who is ruined.”
“You aren’t ruined, cher.”
“Yes, I am. The thought of ever…being intimate with anyone again makes me feel sick. But, I don’t know, maybe I can work past that.” She swallowed before she continued. “That’s not the worst of it.” She shifted to put some distance between them. “You don’t…you don’t know what happened. When he took me.”
“Yes, I do. He bragged about forcin’ hisself on you. He bragged about rapin’ you.”
The growl that slipped from him made her heart flutter briefly. “Is it really rape when you don’t fight back? Is it really rape when you don’t tell them no? When you do what they say and undress for them,” she whispered.
“Oui.You were afraid of him; he made sure of dat. He knew habit would have you doin’ what he wanted.”
Kylie sat there, shaking her head. “You don’t understand, Remy. You don’t know all of it.” When he reached for her she flinched. “Don’t. I don’t want to feel your disgust when you know…” She closed her eyes because she didn’t want to see the look she was so certain would be on his face with her next words. “He put me on my knees and used my mouth, not just my body. You deserve a mate who isn’t so weak, one who wouldn’t justletanother male use her body any way they wanted. You deserve better.”
Remy
Just when he was certain Kylie was going to shut him out again, she’d started talking. It only took him a few seconds to realize she was afraid of what his reaction was going to be. He’d known Ezra raped her, but he hadn’t realized the full extent the other leopard had taken it. Hearing her words, he wished like hell Ezra was still alive so he could make him suffer the way Kylie was suffering. He reached for her and pulled her close even though she struggled against him for a moment. “Stop, Kitten. Da only ting you’ll see on my face is da rage I feel, knowing dat bastard got off easy. He raped you. He forced hisself on you in multiple ways. None of dat is your fault. Not now, not ever.”
He waited until she lifted her head to look at him so she would know he meant what he was saying. “I’d be a pretty piss-poor bastard to hold what he did against you, cher. He spent five years beatin’ da resistance out of you. He’d trained you to respond a certain way, and he used dat to his advantage. I wish to hell I’d gotten dere before he had da chance to touch you. I wanted to keep you safe, to protect you, and I failed you, Kitten. Dat’s someting I will have to live wit’ every day—knowin’ I failed you.”
“No, Remy, it wasn’t…”
He cut her off by placing a gentle finger against her lips. “Oui,it was my place to keep my mate safe and I didn’t. I am so sorry I failed you like dat, but it will never happen again. I won’t let it.” His heart hurt for the fear and pain he saw in her eyes.
“C’mere,” he murmured and pulled her close. “Let me hold you tonight, Kitten. Please. I just need to have you in my arms tonight.” He waited with baited breath to see if she would agree.
Kylie
Kylie sat there in stunned silence. For days now she’d been afraid to let Remy in, afraid to tell him about what had happened because she’d convinced herself she didn’t deserve him. She’d convinced herself he would be disgusted by her. And yet, here he was telling her everything she needed to hear but was afraid to hope for. Here he was telling her it wasn’t her fault.
When Remy pulled her close again, a soft sound escaped her. Even to her own ears it sounded like a cross between a sob and a mewl. She was mortified that sound had come from her. A part of her was afraid, but it was only a small part, The rest of her wanted nothing more than to be held and feel safe, “Okay,” she murmured after several minutes.
Kylie let Remy lead her into his home. She didn’t spend much time looking around as they made their way to his bedroom. She was still too emotional to really take in her surroundings.
“Would you like someting to sleep in, cher?”
Kylie nodded at his question and watched as he went to his dresser. When he returned to her he had a T-shirt and a pair of drawstring pants. “I’ll let you change in here, Kitten. I’ll take the bathroom and I’ll knock before I come back in.”
“Okay.” As soon as he left the room, she stripped out of her jeans and camisole top. The clothes he’d given her to wear were clean but his scent still clung to them faintly. Kylie closed her eyes and breathed it in. She was only mildly surprised to realize his scent calmed her.
She was pulled from her thoughts by his knock on the bedroom door. “It’s safe to come in, Cajun.”
