Chapter Eleven
Declan
Two days. That was as long as he was willing to give Lily to work through her emotions over what happened between them. The last two days had been pure hell for him because all he wanted to do was go to her apartment, take her in his arms, and make her see they belonged together. He knew if he pushed too hard she would close herself off emotionally from him, and he didn’t want that. Now that he’d gotten a taste of what it was like to be inside her, there was no fucking way he was giving her up. He would just have to find a way to get through to her.
He’d gone by her work earlier only to learn she wouldn’t be in until evening. That gave him time to do a little scouting out near Baton Rogue to see how many of the jaguars were near the border between the two territories. When he got there, it didn’t take him long to realize there was a significant number of male jaguars in the city. That didn’t bode well for the leopards because it could only mean one thing. The Red Moon Clan was going to try to take over New Orleans. There would be a hell of a fight if that happened. He made note of their location so he could fill Caine in before he went back to his hotel to shower and change. He didn’t want to go see Lily covered in sweat.
Lily
After Keith left, Lily decided a bubble bath and a good cry were in order. She needed to do something to get the pain out of her system before she made herself sick over it. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the hurt in Keith’s eyes when she admitted she’d slept with Declan. She stayed in the tub until the water turned cold then dragged herself out and got ready for work. She managed to choke down half a bagel, the first thing she’d eaten in almost a day, then made he way through the French Quarter to Gathering Grounds. She paused just down the street from the shop to try and get herself together. If she went in there looking like she was going to burst into tears any second, Emile was likely to send her home, and she needed the distraction work would provide.
Lily plastered on a smile before she walked into work. Even if she was an emotional mess, she wouldn’t let it show. She glanced around, looking for Declan, and was relieved to find him not there. It was a small reprieve but she had no idea how long it would last. What was she going to say to him when he finally came in? Hell if she knew. She would have to figure that out when the time came.
“Bonjour, cher. Everting okay? You look like you haven’t slept nigh a wink,” Emile said when she slid behind the counter.
“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, is all. You know, you’re not supposed to tell a woman she looks rough.”
Emile laughed. “Meebe not, but you wouldn’t want me to lie neither.”
“True, very true.” She settled into her work day and let the flow of customers distract her from the mess she’d made of things in her personal life. She was doing well until she looked up to see Declan walk in. She damn-near spilled a tray of coffees on herself that she was carrying to one of the tables. Did he have to look so damn good when she looked like shit?
Declan
Declan watched Lily through one of the windows at the front of the shop. If you couldn’t read body language, you would think she didn’t have a care in the world. Declan wasn’t fooled. He could see the tension in her shoulders and the strain around her eyes when she smiled at a customer. He hated that he’d put that strain there but, goddamn it, she played a part in it, too. He’d given her the chance to walk away and she’d stayed. She’d damn-near begged him to fuck her. He wasn’t going to let her turn what happened between them into something shameful. It was beautiful and mind-blowing. It was the best sex he’d ever had and he wanted more.
Opening the door, Declan took a deep breath of coffee-scented air before he slid onto one of the stools at the counter so he could put in his order for his coffee. “Black, strong as I can get it,” he growled and turned a little to watch Lily as she set several cups down at one of the tables. She was pretending to be nonchalant about his presence. but he’d noticed her stumble when he walked in.
Emile poured him a cup and set it in front of him. “Still got your eye on her, eh? You know she’s got a man, yeah?”
Declan shrugged. “I’m patient, when I need to be.” He and took a sip of his coffee and groaned in approval. “I gotta say, I’ve had coffee from places all over the world and this, right here, is the best damn coffee I’ve ever had. You could make a killing if you sold it on a larger scale.”
Emile shook his head. “Nah, I’m happy just livin’ my life and servin’ my customers.”
“Fair enough.” Declan took his coffee to one of the empty tables. “We need to talk,” he said to Lily as he passed her. He felt her tense and had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her. Up close he could see the shadows under her eyes, and he really had to resist the urge to pull her into his arms. Sure, he’d had some shitty sleep the last two nights, but he was used to that. He’d spent years getting little sleep while on a mission. Seeing the shadows under Lily’s eyes though had every protective instinct he had rising to the surface.
Lily glanced at him and sighed. “I get a break in twenty.” They really did need to talk about what happened between them and her reaction afterward.
Declan nodded at her and took a seat. He watched her through hooded eyes as he sipped his coffee. He had to admit he was impressed. Despite the fact she was on edge, she did a damn good job of not letting it influence her work in any way. It was admirable.
Lily
“Emile, do you mind if I use your office for a few minutes? I need to speak with Declan about something that doesn’t need an audience.”
“It’s all yours, cher.”
“Thanks.” She kissed his cheek, removed her apron, and motioned for Declan to follow her to the back of the shop.
Declan left his now-empty coffee cup on the table and silently followed her to the back of the shop.
Lily led him into Emile’s office and moved Emile’s chair around so that the desk wouldn’t be between her and Declan. It might have been smarter, and safer, if she’d kept it between them, but she didn’t think about that until it was too late. When he closed the door behind him and turned, she noticed he had an erection and arched a brow.
Declan smirked at the look on her face. “Can’t blame me for enjoying the view when you sway those hips so seductively while you walk, doll.” He took a seat in the other chair. “I’m surprised you didn’t fight me on talking about what happened the other night. You have every other time.”
Lily rubbed her temples. “Yeah, and that’s gotten me nowhere. What happened the other night, it shouldn’t have happened, Declan. I’m not blaming you, not entirely, because I was the one who was stupid and drank whiskey knowing damn full well it would lessen my control on my wolf. We aren’t just our animals, we’re people, and we can’t let the beast control us but that’s exactly what I did.”
“Bullshit. Don’t give me that fucking line, Lily. That wasn’t your wolf wanting me; that was all you. You keep telling yourself it’s all animal instinct, but if that was true, you wouldn’t have to fight your attraction to me so fucking hard when you don’t have a drop of alcohol in you. I get that you’re upset because of the guy you’re dating. I get that you feel guilty because you’re not the kind of woman to sleep around when in a relationship. You’re loyal to a fault and faithful to your partner, and what happened the other night goes against everything you believe in. I get that, Lily.” He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek. ““I’m sorry I put you in that position, doll. As much as I loved the sex, because, damn, woman, it was the best sex I’ve ever had, I’m sorry I pushed when I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to fight the desire I feel for you. But most of all, I’m sorry I hurt you. When you bolted the other night, the look I saw on your face, it gutted me, Lily. I don’t ever want to see that look again. Whatever you need from me, you’ve got it. If you need me to back off, as difficult as it will be, I’ll do it.”
Lily was shaking by the time he finished talking. “I’m not dating him anymore. I told him everything. He knows I’m a shifter—he was okay with that—but he wasn’t okay with me cheating on him. You don’t get it, Declan. I broke his heart when I betrayed him and part of me doesn’t care. The part of me that was in control the other night is happy to have one complication gone. And I hate myself for feeling that way. It should matter to me that I hurt him so deeply. He loved me and I betrayed him. I just don’t understand why it doesn’t hurt as much as it should.” When she looked at him, her eyes were filled with the confusion she felt. “I mean, it hurts; it feels like a little piece of my heart has broken off and shattered on the ground, but why aren’t I devastated? I should be. I miss him but…at the same time, part of me is relieved.” Her voice broke and a tear slid down her cheek.
