“Alright,” I said. “Let’s begin.”
27
ROSE
“How would you describe yourself?” I asked.
“Now, or before?”
“Both.”
Phoenix glanced down at his hands, clasped in his lap.
“Before, unstoppable. Now… Weak.”
“Define weak.”
“I can’t control myself.”
“Emotionally, or physically?”
“Both.”
“Are you aware of this—we’ll call it new—response to situations? That you are acting out of character?”
“Yes.”
“And how do you feel when it happens?”
“I get pissed off.”
“At yourself?”
“Yes.”
“You fight it, then? The emotions?”
“Yes.”
“Because that’s what you’ve spent yourlife doing. Right?”
He glanced down.
“Except, Phoenix, here’s the deal with this. This is different. This isn’t terrorists or evildoers that you can eliminate with a pull of a trigger. This is science. You are fighting science.” I waited a beat to let that sink in, however it may. “Can I explain further?”
A slight nod.
“The bullet penetrated your head on the upper, right side, above your eyebrow. In your prefrontal cortex, to be exact. This part of the brain is closely linked with the limbic system, which is the area of the brain that controls our behavioral and emotional responses. The root of your issues, so to speak.”
He was watching me now, a hint of interest in his eyes. We were offfeelingsnow and intofacts,which he responded to. Just as I would have. So I took it further.
“The limbic system is made up of four main parts. First is the amygdala, a very powerful part of the brain that evaluates your emotional response to situations; think, happy, sad, etcetera. This is where your fight-or-flight sensory is housed, something that most combat veterans are very familiar with.”
He dipped his chin in acknowledgment.
“The hippocampus is located in the temporal lobe and is associated with how we form new memories based on past experiences. The thalamus and hypothalamus are associated with pleasure like arousal and rage, and controlling those emotions. The cingulate gyrus links sight and smell to memories and deciphers how we respond to those, whether it be anger, whatever. Finally, the ventral tegmental is involved in the transmission of dopamine, which affects our moods. All of these parts work together to send messages tothe prefrontal cortex, which tells us how to interpret and respond. How to act.
“You see, the bullet damaged the part of your brain that takes all the little messages from the limbic system and processes them into empathy, shame, compassion, guilt, pleasure, fear, anger. The thing is, though, Phoenix, damage to this part of the brain messes with your social emotions—but leaves your logic reasoning intact. You have that now. You still own that. You still control that.”
