“So when Tracy filed that complaint saying I was corrupt, part of me wondered if people would believe it because of the Nora rumors. Like maybe I’d burned through whatever goodwill I had.”
I squeeze his hand harder. “I’m sorry. About Lila, about having to carry all that alone. About people making assumptions. I can’t imagine having to deal with that kind of betrayal even after she died.”
“What about you?” He turns to look at me fully. “How long were you with Lance?”
I lean back against the seat, thinking about how to explain four years of slowly losing myself. Four years of becoming smaller and smaller until I almost disappeared. “Four years. We met at a bar in Creeksprings one night while Madison and I were shooting pool. At first he was charming, attentive. Made me feel special. Like I was the only person in the room.”
“When did it change?”
“Gradually. So slowly I didn’t notice at first.” I adjust my glasses, staring out at the darkening sky. “He’d get jealous if I talked to other guys even if it was someone I saw from high school. Then he started commenting on my clothes, saying things were too revealing. Then it was my friends. Said Madison was a bad influence, too wild, would get me in trouble.” I pick at the edge of my sleeve, an old nervous habit. “Then he started checking my phone, showing up at places I was supposed to be. I thought it meant he loved me. That he just wanted to keep me safe.”
God, I was so stupid.Saying all this out loud is making me feel crazy and naive for giving him the benefit of the doubt. Even though he betrayed me so many times.
“The verbal stuff started about two years in. Calling me stupid, dramatic, oversensitive. Saying no one else would put up with me, that I was lucky he was patient enough to deal with my issues.” My voice gets smaller. My throat tightens. “By the time I realized how bad it had gotten, I felt trapped. Like maybe he was right. Maybe I was too difficult, too much work, too broken for anyone else to want.”
Maybe I still am.
“But you left.”
“Finally.” I look at him, and I can feel tears threatening again. “When he threw that plate at me, something just… snapped. I realized I’d rather be alone forever than scared all the time. That being by myself was better than being with someone who made me hate myself.” I pause. “Moving to Pine Hollows was supposed to be my fresh start. Then he found me anyway. When he found me, it was like a problem that I couldn’t run away from no matter how hard I tried.”
“He’s never going to hurt you again.” Sawyer’s voice is hard, protective in a way that makes me feel safe and terrified at the same time. What if trying to protect me destroys him? “I’ll make sure of it.”
“I know. Because of you.”
We sit quietly for a moment, processing what we’ve just shared. It feels different now, knowing each other’s wounds. Scarier. More real.
And somehow, exactly right.
“So,” I say finally, trying to lighten the mood. “Be honest, do you think we can make this work? Even with everything going with your job and my mom—”
“I think we already are making it work.” Sawyer brings my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles, and the gesture is so tender it makes my chest ache. “Besides, at least we know the worst about each other now.”
Do we? What if the worst is still coming?“Is this your worst? Because I have some deeply embarrassing stories from high school that might change your mind.”
“Save those for our second date.”
Second date.He’s already planning a second date. I adjust my glasses nervously. The thought should make me happy, but instead I feel a flutter of panic. What if I mess this up? What if I’m too damaged?
“Alicat.” Sawyer’s voice cuts through my spiral. “I can see you getting into your own head over there.”
I adjust my glasses. “I’m not.”
“Your tell is showing.”
“What tell? I don’t have a tell.”
He reaches over and gently adjusts my glasses himself, his fingers brushing my cheek. “You adjust your glasses when you’re nervous or anxious. I've noticed it for a while.”
He noticed that? “No I don’t.”
“Yes you do.” He smiles softly. “It’s cute.”
When the food is gone and the stars are starting to come out, Sawyer shifts in his seat to face me fully.
“Ali, I want to try this. For real. Not just moments here and there, but actually dating. Actually seeing where this goes. Like I wanna take you out and show you off.”
“Even with everything that’s still happening?”
