The unfairness of it hits me fresh and sharp.
“I don’t understand her, Grandma. How can a mother choose someone who hurt her daughter over the person who protected her? You never would have done that.”
I remember my grandmother’s fierce protectiveness, the way she’d get between me and anyone who tried to hurt me, including my own mother.
“Sawyer might lose everything he’s worked for because he cared enough to help me.” My voice cracks. “And I don’t know how to fix it.”
The sunflowers move gently in the breeze, like she's trying to talk to me.
“I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m not worth all the trouble. That maybe Mom is right and I’m just being dramatic. That maybe Lance wasn’t really that bad and I’m just—”
I stop myself, hearing how those thoughts sound out loud. They’re my mother’s voice, not mine. Not my grandmother's. Not Sawyer's. And not mine either. Not anymore.
“No,” I say more firmly. “That’s not true. Lance hurt me. For years. And Mom knew and chose to protect him instead of me. That’s not my fault.”
I think about Sawyer’s hands gently checking my wrist after Lance grabbed me, the way he looked at Lance like he wanted to put him through a wall.
“Sawyer sees me, Grandma. Really sees me. He makes me feel like I’m enough, just as I am.”
The cemetery is getting darker, but I’m not ready to leave yet.
“I think I love him,” I whisper. “I love him so much it scares me. This feeling is way different than what I felt for Lance. I don’t think Lance could ever make me feel the way that Sawyer makes me feel.”
I lean forward and rest my hand on the cool granite. “I wish you were here to meet him. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. I wish you could remind Mom who she’s supposed to protect.”
My grandmother believed I could be strong, so she taught me how. She believed I could be independent, so she left me her house. She believed I deserved love and respect, so she showed me what that looked like.
Now I have to believe it too.
“I’m going to keep fighting, Grandma,” I say, standing and brushing grass off my jeans. “For Sawyer, for my own happiness, for anyone else Lance might hurt. I’m going to be the Alice you always said I could be.”
I kiss my fingers and press them to her name carved in stone.
“Thank you for the house. Thank you for showing me what real love looks like. Thank you for believing in me even when I couldn’t believe in myself.”
As I walk back to my car, I feel different. Steadier. The cemetery gate creaks behind me, closing on more than just a visit.
My mother made her choice today. But I made mine too.
I chose to be my grandmother's granddaughter.
Not my mother's victim.
Chapter 34
Sawyer
IfindChrisintheequipment room, restocking his duty belt after shift. The room smells like gun oil and leather. I lock the door behind me. He looks up when I walk in.
“What’s going on?” he asks, reading my expression.
“I need a favor. The kind that stays between us.”
He sets down his equipment and gives me his full attention. “Alright.”
“Lance Carlston. His family filed a complaint against me with the state police.” My jaw tightens. “They’re claiming I fabricated evidence and arrested him because I’m personally involved with Alice.”
“That’s complete bullshit.”
