He tilts his head slightly with a sympathetic look in his eyes. “You’re not going to hurt me, Alice.”
“Yes, I am.” My voice cracks slightly. “I’m the reason you have a complaint filed against you. I’m the reason Lance was in Pine Hollows. I’m the reason everything in your life got complicated. It’s not fair to you.”
Sawyer steps closer, and I resist the urge to back away. “You’re the reason Lance is in jail where he belongs. You’re the reason I care about something other than work for the first time in years.”
“That’s exactly the problem. You shouldn’t have to deal withmydrama.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not worth it.”
The words slip out before I can stop them, and Sawyer’s expression changes completely.
“What did you just say?”
I look away, embarrassed. “Nothing.”
“Alice.”
I don't want to look at him—shame keeps my eyes down—but something in his voice makes me meet his gaze.
“You think you’re not worth fighting for?”
“I think you’ve got a good life, and I’m just messing it up with all my baggage.”
“That’s not what I asked you.”
I hate that he can see right through me. I adjust my glasses nervously.Because if it does matter,if he really sees me as worth it, then I have to believe it too. And I don't know how.“It doesn’t matter what I think.”
“It’s the only thing that matters.” He reaches for my hands, and I let him take them even though I shouldn’t. “Alice, you are worth fighting for. You’re worth dealing with whatever your mother tries to throw at us.”
“You don’t understand—”
“I do. I understand that you’re scared. That your mother has spent your whole life making you feel like you don’t matter as much as other people. But you’re wrong.”
His words hit too close to home, and I pull my hands away. “You don’t know anything about my life or my mother.”
“I know she chooses Lance over you. I know she’d rather see you hurt than admit her daughter was being abused. I know she cares more about her paycheck than your safety.”
“Stop.”
“I know that she’s convinced you that you’re not worth it.”
“Please stop.”
“But she’s wrong, Alice. And if you walk away from this, then she wins.”
My eyes sting.Don't cry. Don't you dare cry in front of him.
“This isn't about winning or losing.”
“Yes, it is. She wants to drive us apart because as long as I'm in your life, someone will stand up for you. She can't control you anymore.”
I lean back against my car, suddenly exhausted. The metal is warm from the afternoon sun, almost too hot through my shirt. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend that continuing to be involved with you isn’t going to cost you everything.”
