But I already regret everything. I regret drinking too much, I regret throwing myself at him, and I regret that the first time I tried to kiss Sawyer, I was too drunk to do it right.
Maybe I mess up every good thing that comes into my life. Lance always said I was dramatic, that I created problems where there weren't any.
No. I stop that thought. Lance was wrong about a lot of things. This isn't me creating problems. This is just... an awkward moment. People have those.
The next morning, I wake up with a mild headache and a major case of embarrassment. What was I thinking? Sawyer must think I’m some kind of mess who throws herself at men when she’s had too much to drink.
But underneath the embarrassment, there's something else. Relief, maybe. Because he stopped me. Because he wants it to be right. That means something.
My phone buzzes with a text, and my heart stops when I see it’s from him.
Sawyer: How are you feeling this morning?
I stare at the screen, debating. He doesn't seem bothered by last night. And I remember everything that happened—which means it wasn't as bad as I'm making it.
Right?
Me: Embarrassed. I’m really sorry about last night.
His response comes quickly.
Sawyer: Nothing to be sorry for. Coffee later?
I hesitate. Part of me wants to hibernate under my covers for the rest of the year. But another part of me knows that hiding won’t fix anything.
Me: Maybe another time.
I can't take back last night. But next time I kiss him—and if there is a next time—I'll be sober enough to remember every second of it.
Chapter 17
Sawyer
ThePineHollowsPublicLibrary looks different tonight—warmer somehow, with string lights casting a golden glow over the normally quiet space. Folding chairs are arranged in neat rows, and the smell of coffee from the refreshment table mingles with the familiar scent of old books.
I’m early, which gives me time to browse the author’s display table and wonder if this was a good idea. When I suggested the library event to Alice, it felt natural—she loves books, there’s an author in town, easy conversation starter. But now, standing here while mostly women in their forties and fifties filter in, I’m second-guessing myself.What am I doing here?I haven’t read a book since the academy, and even then it was only procedure manuals.
The front doors open and she hurries in, slightly out of breath and looking apologetic. She's wearing a soft blue sweater that brings out her eyes, and her dark hair is pulled back. She looks beautiful. Her glasses catch the string lights as she glances around the room, searching for me.
“Sorry,” she says, pulling off her jacket while adjusting her glasses—that nervous gesture I’m starting to recognize. “Last-minute banking emergency.”
“Let me guess. Someone forgot their PIN and found some way to blame it on you?”
“Actually no. Someone insisted we were holding their money hostage because their account was overdrawn.” She pushes her glasses up her nose again. “How long have you been here?”
“Just a few minutes. I was starting to think you’d stood me up for a book.”
Her cheeks turn slightly pink, and I realize this feels more like a date than I expected it to.Good. That’s exactly what I was hoping for.
We drift over to the book display, and I watch her examine the novels carefully. There’s something about her focus that draws me in—the way she handles each book like she’s greeting an old friend, running her fingers along the spines with genuine reverence.When’s the last time I cared about anything besides work?
“Have you read any of her other work?” I ask.
“No, but I’ve heard good things. Contemporary fiction isn’t usually my go-to, but I’m trying to branch out more.” She looks up at me, and I get caught staring at how the library lights make her eyes look almost amber behind her glasses. “What about you? Do you read?”
“Honestly? No. I don’t really have the time lately with work and studying for the sergeant exam.”There it is again. Everything always comes back to work.I pause. “Maybe I should give it a try.”
“You should. Reading’s good for stress relief.” Her enthusiasm makes her face light up in a way that does something to my chest. "It’s like watching a whole movie in your mind, and you get to imagine the characters however you want."
