“Isn’t she relieved to finally be free of all the misery I bring with me?” I snarl.
“Is that really what you wanted to do? Free her from your misery? You’ve hurt her terribly and made her miserable. Believe it or not, Andreas, that girl is crazy about you, and you clearly are crazy about her too. Sometimes life isn’t that complicated.”
Life has never been so simple and complicated at the same time. I ache for her. I want to smell her, taste her, hear her, and feel her. I want her to be mine and mine alone. I want to be above, below, and inside her. But the pain—whether I caused it knowingly or unknowingly—makes me shiver. I ponder Eric’s words. They seem heartfelt, almost personal.
“Do you really believe that, Eric? That it can be that easy?” I ask.
Meanwhile, I realize I haven’t offered him anything to drink. I grab a beer for him from the fridge. Eric takes it, stares at it, and takes a good swig.
“I was once as stupid as you are now, Andreas. I’ve never told you this, but before I joined the army, I was in a relationship. We were so young, but what we had was incredible. Maybe your first love is always exceptional, but I knew it was much more than that. I broke her heart by choosing my career and wanting to protect her. I was going to take on a dangerous job and didn’t want her to become a widow or have to live her life around my career.”
I see Eric’s eyes narrow. He’s never told me this before. I thought we had no secrets between us.
“I had no idea, Eric. I thought you didn’t do serious relationships because of everything you’ve been through, and I thought you were at peace with that. You’ve never spoken about a woman before.”
“I’m definitely not looking for a relationship, but back then, she… that was different. You never knew, and I never told you. It didn’t last long, and it’s not a happy story, so no one knows. By the time it could have become something real, I’d already ruined it, and there was no point in talking about it anymore. She ended up marrying someone else, and I have to live with that every day. Can you do that, Andreas? Watch Nora marry someone else?” His icy tone carries a clear warning.
I know he’s right. I could never stand to see Nora marry someone else. The thought of Nora in bed with someone else drives me insane, even though I’m practically pushing her toward it. It’s absurd.
“I’m sorry to hear that, Eric. I wish it had ended differently for you.”
It pains me to know my best friend has suffered so much without me being there for him.
“For you, it’s still possible, Andreas.” He downs the rest of his beer in one gulp. “By the way, Nora sends her regards.”
Eric starts to leave. I take his bottle and place it on the counter. I walk with him toward the elevator.
“I wanted to apologize for what I said to you at the beach, Eric. You didn’t deserve that. I owe everything to you. I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for Nora and for me.”
“Don’t get sentimental, okay? I can’t handle that.”
He laughs, but I see relief and gratitude in his eyes. It needed to be said and not left hanging between us.
“Do you really think I still have a chance with Nora?” I look at him hopefully.
“She’s pretty angry and hurt, I don’t think she’s going to make it easy for you, but I think you’re underestimating her love for you.”
Eric steps into the elevator. Three seconds later, the doors close, and he’s out of sight. I’m completely thrown by his last words. The word love keeps echoing in my mind. Have I underestimated her love? I love Nora. I didn’t dare admit it until now, but I love her. More than anyone else. Nora means everything to me. How could I have been such an idiot? How could I try to stop this?
Does she think she’s overestimated my love? That would be wrong, but also understandable. She doesn’t even know how I feel about her. I’ve given her nothing. I realize I’ve had a strange way of showing my love. I thought choosing Nora would cause her so much pain and lead to her downfall. And while it’s still difficult not to see things that way, I now understand that perhaps I’ve caused her more pain by denying us the chance to be together.
I still have a long way to go if I want to be the man she deserves, but I’m willing to try. If she’s willing to give me another chance, that is. I’ve turned her life upside down, played with her emotions, strung her along, and then shattered her heart. Does she really have enough love in her to forgive me for all of that? I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t. It’s hard to believe in myself enough right now, to believe that she’d still want me, but for her and her alone, I need to stop writing myself off in advance.
She truly brings out the best in me.
The thought of Nora lying naked in my bed again makes every part of me ignite. The physical urge to claim her once more is perhaps a driving force behind my actions. I know there’s more to it than that, but God, I do also want that. I want Nora back, in every way, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes right now.
Chapter 18
Nora
It’s not easy to be back at work in the office where I was brutally attacked just a few days ago. The new furniture is like a Band-Aid on a wound—it helps, but it doesn’t heal the pain or ease the fear. I want to move forward, but it’s proving difficult. Just like every other time, I jump when the doorbell rings. I hated the sound before, but now it comes with a specific, unpleasant association. I’m conditioned to think of one thing when I hear that noise. Thankfully, it’s not Isabella this time, but seeing the person who walks through the door still hits me like a shockwave. Andreas. I haven’t heard from him since his visit to the hospital.
“Nora, you look good,” he says nervously. His body language betrays his uncertainty.
Compliments won’t work today.
“What exactly do you want, Andreas?” I ask, my tone laced with impatience, masking my surprise.
