“I can’t control myself around you, and I should be able to. I’m selfish. I take you because I want to, but I can’t give you what you want.”
“You’ve already given me exactly what I want.” And it was amazing. I wiggle my backside against him for emphasis.
“I mean it, Nora. I’m bad for you, believe me. I don’t want to hurt you, but I’ll do it anyway.”
“Why would you think you’re bad for me? Why are you so hard on yourself?”
He’s silent for a moment, then says, “Just trust me on this one.”
“Does this have anything to do with your brother who died?”
I feel his entire body tense, and I know I’m treading on thin ice.
“What do you know about my brother? Did Isabella say something?” he asks quickly. Too quickly.
“Isabella?” What does she have to do with this? “No, I googled you and found something about it. He died six months ago, if I’m not mistaken?”
I hold my breath. I know I’m digging into Andreas’s emotional baggage, and he doesn’t like that. But I need to understand him—why he is the way he is.
“Yeah, Max died six months ago,” he says calmly. I stay quiet, hoping he’ll tell me more. I tighten my grip on his arms and wait patiently. “I still miss him every day. He meant so much to me. I was his big brother, and I should have taken better care of him.” His hands grip my arms tightly—too tightly—but I don’t think he realizes it.
“I’ve been trying to focus on work and nothing else. I lost control completely, and I never want to feel that way again. It was working perfectly until…”
He stops mid-sentence, and I can feel the tension radiating from him. Wriggling free from his hold, I turn to face him. His eyes are cast downward, staring at nothing.
“Until what?”
“Until I met you.” He closes his eyes as if it hurts to say it.
“Until you met me? I don’t understand?” Am I making him lose control?
His eyes snap open, meeting mine. Even in the darkness, I can see the struggle etched across his face.
“I don’t understand it either. But before I met you, I was fine. I was balanced. And now I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
Andreas has never been this open with me before. I’m glad to see his walls come down, but I never expected to have such an impact on him—or his emotions. I don’t know what this means. Am I good for him? Or bad?
“Maybe this is a good kind of crazy?” I suggest, gently cupping his face and stroking the stubble on his jaw. I love how rough it feels against my palm.
“I know what you’re hoping for, Nora, but I can’t give you that. I don’t believe in it. I can’t do it, and I don’t deserve it,” he says, his voice full of pain.
I swallow hard, processing his words. He’s harsh—on me, on himself—but also honest. That’s something I’ve come to expect from him. He’s probably right. I deserve more than one night of passion. But if that’s all he can offer, I’ll take it. For now. Because he drives me a little crazy, too.
“We have tonight,” I whisper, still stroking his stubbled cheek.
I don’t want him to sabotage himself, but I also don’t want to scare him off by digging deeper. I don’t want to make it harder than it needs to be. I don’t want to hope too much, but I’m also not ready to admit that he’ll inevitably hurt me. I want tonight.
“We have tonight,” he repeats, his beautiful, brown, irresistible eyes looking at me with relief.
“I’m completely sober,” I say with a shy smile. It’s not entirely true, but sober enough to know what I want.
“Is that so?” His signature smirk returns.
“Hmmm,” I hum, pressing myself closer to him.
Chapter 10
Andreas
