You’d better not.
* * *
I repeat that last line in my head, trying to interpret it correctly. Part of me worries he’s angry I bolted so fast after our kiss. But instead of scaring me, the authoritative tone of his message sends a thrill straight to my core. I didn’t scare him off, he wants to see me again. What if he tries to kiss me again? Should I resist? I think about Anna’s advice last night. I haven’t had time to process it, and I’d better do that before I see him on Wednesday. As I think about Andreas and our kiss, I feel desire pooling low in my belly. Before I fully realize it, my hand drifts between my legs, tracing slow circles. I moan with pleasure, and unlike last time when I couldn’t let myself go, this time, I do. This is nothing compared to the casual sex Anna was prescribing, so I’m really not doing anything wrong. I rub harder and faster as I think back to the passion that was between us. My hand on his firm chest, his erection against my lower stomach, and his commanding hand on the small of my back. I cling to that image and let the kiss in my mind linger. I think about how he could have gone further and how my body would have eagerly received him. My eyes roll back as I reach my climax. I press the back of my head into my pillow, my back arches, my body shudders, and I let out an intense but silent cry. I climaxed with Andreas in my thoughts, and I’m afraid there’s no turning back now.
Chapter 6
Andreas
The hours seem endless. Especially this weekend, I have exceptionally little to do and therefore way too much time to think. Before Nora, everything was steady, mundane perhaps, but steady. I had finally found a semblance of balance after Max’s death. Sure, it was a balance built on overworking myself, relentless exercise, and trudging through my days like a zombie, but it kept me from falling apart completely. It worked.
Then Nora came along and disrupted that balance. Now I’m restless, frustrated, and constantly yearning for her. I shouldn’t seduce her, but I know I’m a selfish man, so I’m going to do it anyway. I want Nora. I don’t know why, I also don’t know for how long, but I want her. Maybe if we give in to our desires, they will fade away. I’ve never had to—or wanted to—spend much time or effort winning over a woman, but with Nora I feel like I need a plan. I don’t deserve her, and I can’t fathom what she would see in a man burdened with so much grief, pain, and suppressed anger, not to mention my control issues. But the thought of Nora belonging to someone else is unbearable. The thought of another man touching her curves, caressing her neck, or kissing those soft lips is simply intolerable. There is a strong urge coiling up inside me, demanding I finish what I’ve started. There’s no going back now.
Refusing to dwell on the implications of my actions, I call Bertrand. Within minutes, my simple but effective plan is set in motion.
* * *
The rest of my Saturday is consumed by planning for the weeks ahead. It’s work that could easily wait until Monday, but I need something to distract myself. A trip to an AI conference in Berlin still needs to be planned and organized. I email Donna to explore all the options for tickets and access passes for the entire research and development team. Then I notify the team to block the dates in their calendars. Knack magazine reaches out, requesting an interview for a feature on self-made millionaires in Belgium under thirty. I hate the personal exposure, but B-Tech can use all the name recognition, and since this is the last year I qualify for the twenties category, it’s now or never. I email them with some available times. Meanwhile, The Story wants to know how things stand with “Flanders’ most eligible bachelor.” I sigh. That interview isn’t happening, though the article will likely be published with or without my cooperation. HR asks if the contract for the new junior software developer looks good and is ready to be signed. The lease agreements for the company car fleet need to be renegotiated. Decisions need to be made for the renovation of the third floor, and I need to approve the purchase orders as soon as possible. My Saturday continues like this, with email after email until I’ve dealt with everything essential and sent the rest to the virtual trash bin.
On Sunday afternoon, I have plans with my brother Levi. It always feels good to visit him. Levi has a beautiful villa with an even more beautiful garden surrounding it. The sense of home I always feel there was certainly an inspiration for my own purchase. Shaking off the workweek, I greet Levi with a firm hug. As always, I promise myself to make more time for him in the future. Today, I’m here to help organize an alcohol and drug prevention event in honor of Max. I thought something like this was way too soon, but Levi insisted, and if this is his way of processing, I don’t really have a choice but to join in and support him. The event is happening in a few weeks, and there’s still a lot to do. We work well together, but we’ve decided to do everything ourselves, so there’s plenty of work ahead. People always look at me as the successful entrepreneur, but the truth is that I’m stuck. Levi is the one who’s moving forward, embracing life again, and making plans for the future. I’m so proud of him.
After we’ve crossed off quite a few items from our to-do list, Levi shows off his grilling skills. Levi is a man of nature, always dressed in shorts and a worn-out T-shirt, his tape measure permanently in one of his pockets, just in case something needs measuring. His hands are calloused from all the gardening, and his skin is darkly tanned from working outside every day. He’s muscular, not from gym sessions but from hard, honest labor. I relax and take it all in. The sight of my “little” brother with a big smile on his face as he flips a large ribeye steak is heartwarming. I’m glad the atmosphere this afternoon isn’t too heavy; on the contrary, it felt good to work on the benefit together.
Happiness is found in these moments; I know that all too well, learned my lesson. My brother means everything to me, even more so now that he’s the only family I have left. Our father doesn’t count. I hope Levi finds true happiness someday; there’s still a chance for him. He has a successful landscaping business and plenty of money because of it, but I know something is still missing in his life. As I grab two new drinks from the fridge, I ask him how things are going with work.
“Good, I really can’t complain, plenty of work. I can’t even keep up with the requests, so I have the luxury of picking out the fun projects. I’m considering hiring one or two more people. It’s not easy to find the right profiles, but maybe I just need to make it a priority again. It’s a matter of starting the search and posting a job opening. How’s the tech world treating you? Do you think the rise of AI will make things easier or harder for you?”
“Both, it’s a challenge, but if we stay ahead and can fully utilize the new possibilities, it can also offer us a lot of advantages. And we’ll make sure we stay ahead, of course. Enough about work.” I pause for a moment and feel it’s time to share my news. “Actually, I have something important to tell you.” I clear my throat and sit up straight.
“That sounds serious. Hopefully, it’s good news? Spill!” Levi looks at me, surprised and curious.
“I think you’ll be happy. I bought a house, just a few streets from here. If everything goes well, it’ll be mine in about three months.” I beam, thrilled that I can finally share this with him.
“That’s fantastic! Congratulations!” Levi raises his alcohol-free beer, and we toast to the news. I see him widen his eyes with enthusiasm but also disbelief. He’s both thrilled and confused. “I had no idea you were looking for a house, where did this come from all of a sudden? What are you doing with the apartment?” he asks.
“I’m definitely keeping the apartment. It’s incredibly convenient right above the office, but it’ll become more like our villa by the sea, more of a retreat. I don’t really know why, but I just wanted a permanent place outside the city, away from work. You’ve really found a home here with this house. I always love being here, so I think I was just looking for something like that myself,” I say, shrugging.
“I can definitely recommend having a place of your own. It sounds a bit cliché, but there’s nothing like owning your own piece of land. I’m really happy for you. It’s amazing that we’ll be living so close to each other. If it’s that nearby, maybe we can take a walk over there after dinner?”
“That sounds like a plan. I have to disappoint you, though, the garden is already beautifully landscaped. I’ll probably need your services for maintenance, and who knows, you might have some ideas for tweaks here and there.” I’m all for working with my brother.
“Great, just let me know when you need me, I can’t wait to see it!”
“By the way, any news on your end? Finally found the woman of your dreams?” I tease and nudge him as I ask the question.
It’s about time Levi found a woman. He works too much and should really post a job opening for love and actively search for that. I know he occasionally brings someone home, but they’re never permanent. He tries—they stick around longer than anyone does with me, at least—but a serious relationship has never been in the cards. We’ve both been shaped by our past, but I still believe Levi is better off than I. For him, happiness is still a possibility.
“The woman of my dreams?” He bursts out laughing and has to make an effort to keep his beer from spilling. “I could ask you the exact same thing, brother, and you’re not getting any younger either, huh?”
“I’m not even thirty yet, and don’t change the subject. I asked how your love life is going.”
“Let’s just say there’s not much of a love life. A sex life, maybe, but a love life is something else,” he says bitterly.
His expression darkens as he stares into the distance. His eyes narrow, and I can feel the mood shifting, as if my question has opened a heavier conversation. I try to lighten things up between us, to lift his spirits.
“I can’t even speak of a sex life, let alone a love life,” I reply.
I chuckle weakly and stare into the distance with Levi. Instead of lightening the mood, I’ve accidentally made it even heavier. At that moment, thoughts of Nora flood my mind—her irresistible body, her voice, her laugh, the sheer sensuality she radiates. She makes me crave an active sex life again. She makes me yearn. I think about my plan to win her over, and without Levi noticing, my faint smile turns into a wide grin.
