“Hearing you groan like that is making me hard, and that’s just not playing fair when you know I’m in the back of a cab.”
I grinned again. I could get to him despite being three thousand miles away. That eased my ache slightly.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
“You don’t have to try. You just have to exist.”
“God, I love you, Ethan.”
“I love you. Now get in the shower because you have that meeting that starts at 8:30.” I loved that he knew my schedule. How long would that last? He knew what I was doing this week but what about the week after that?
“What time is it?”
“Just before seven your time,” he replied.
I groaned again. I could sleep for a week, or maybe until it was time to fly to New York.
“Stop, Anna.”
“Sorry. Don’t go.”
“You have to get in the shower. I’ll speak to you when I wake up later. Stop pouting.”
I laughed. Iwaspouting.
“Okay, I love you. Sleep well.”
“I will, I’ll dream of you.”
I tookthe tube to work, like most of London, but I didn’t feel like most of London. Somehow the city didn’t seem as bright as usual, it was like someone had turned the contrast down—there was something gray about everyone. I felt disconnected, as if I knew something they didn’t. I walked at my new pace, people rushing past me, bumping me from left and right but it was okay because I was different. I knew. I knew what it was to really, truly, love someone. And it was incredible and entirely petrifying. I’d never felt so exposed and vulnerable.
We hadn’t talked about things too far in the future, but we’d set some boundaries, created some rules. Of course we had.
Rule one was that we would speak to each other every day. Even if it was for two seconds. Rule two was that we would see each other every month and we would always know when we would next see each other. Rule three was no bullshit. If either of us felt like it wasn’t working, we would talk about it and make it work better.
But rules were meant to be broken, right?
“I can’t believethat I’ve got to be in the office without having Sexy Scott to look at.” Lucy landed her ass on my desk as I returned from my meeting.
Did she think I liked her? I was pretty sure I’d never given her reason to be so deluded.
I fingered the Hermès scarf that I’d worn to keep Ethan close to me and tried to ignore her. She kept yapping away as I opened my inbox and started going through my emails. I managed to tune her out.
“Anna? Are you listening? He totally had the hots for me.”
“Whatever you say, Lucy,” I said, my eyes fixated to my screen.
“Jesus, you’re a miserable bitch.”
“Whatever you say.”
She finally left me alone and I cocooned myself in a bubble that I hoped screamed “leave me the fuck alone”. I wanted to get my work done and go home. Although Lucy irritated the living crap out of me, she was right. There was no joy in this place without Ethan. Not for me. Not now.
Leah called, presumably because I wasn’t responding to her emails and texts.
“We can just have a girlie night in. Daniel has a dinner,” Leah said.
“I need to do a ton of laundry and call my parents. Maybe later in the week?” I was fobbing her off and she knew it. I just genuinely didn’t want company. I wanted to be surrounded by Ethan. And even though he was gone, I could feel close to him back at the flat.
