“So,” she said.
“So,” I replied.
“So, you want to have the talk now?”
Of course I wanted to have the talk now. Didn’t she? A lump formed in my throat. I couldn’t speak, so I nodded.
“Okay,” she said.
I nodded again. At work I used silence as a negotiation tactic. It was amazing how much someone would give away if you didn’t respond to their initial offer. They’d often negotiate against themselves. But my silence in that moment was helping me not get on my knees and beg her to come back to New York with me. I needed to know whatshewanted. Did she see a future for us?
“So where do we start?” she asked.
“You start,” I choked out and took a gulp of whiskey, hoping that it would numb any pain and allow me to get my words out when the time came.
“What do you want me to say?” she asked.
That fucking irritated me. What did she think I wanted her to say? At least the agitation seemed to neutralize my nerves slightly.
“I want to you to tell me what you want. No bullshit, no ambiguity.”
“And what about you?”
“What about me?”
“Don’t I get to hear the same from you?” she asked.
“You do.”
“So, go ahead.”
Such a fucking lawyer. I chuckled. “No way, beautiful. I’m getting the last word here. You’re going to start and you’re going to tell me the truth. I want every single thought that’s spinning in that beautiful head of yours coming out of that beautiful, very talented, mouth of yours. Now, go ahead.”
She looked at me, trying to decide what to say. Surely, she’d thought about this? Surely she knew what she wanted?
“I like you,” she said, finally.
“You like me?” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“Well, you know. I really like you.” She started to laugh and she rolled her eyes at me. “You know I love you, Ethan.”
I leaned forward and kissed her on the corner of her mouth. I couldn’t help it. I never got tired of hearing those words coming from her. “It feels like there’s abutcoming.”
“Well, thebutis we live on different continents. You have a life and a career in New York and I have a life and career in London. I’d say that’s a pretty bigbut.”
I nodded. To me, it wasn’t that big an issue. There were ways of making this work. Did she see them?
“So, if I wanted to be a lawyer about it,” she continued, “we have various options.”
I nodded again, willing her on.
“We could agree to part ways here and now. No complications, no ambiguity, no bullshit. . .” She looked at me, and I wasn’t sure if I should respond. She was using my words, was she thinking that was my preferred option?
“For the record, that’s my least favorite of all the options.” The words tumbled out before I had a chance to stop them.
A smile spread slowly across her face. “How do you know that the other options aren’t worse?”
“I can’t think of anything worse than my life without you.”
