“I know where my room is, Mom,” I pointed out, not sure I was ready to be alone with her.
There it was again, that flash of hurt that was there and gone before I could be sure I had seen it at all. She looked as though she wanted to say something. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. In the last few years, our interactions were few and fraught with tension and unresolved bitterness. But right now, while those feelings were still there, it seemed they were being smothered by something else.
Tentative hope.
“Okay, then. Well, I’ll go put some coffee on. Come down after you drop your things in your room.” Then she was gone, and I took my bag from Maxx, who seemed unsure as to what to do. I knew I was putting him in an extremely awkward position. It was unfair of me to lean on him like this when he was only just learning how to cope with his own issues.
But I needed him. I needed to be able to rely on him.
Maybe I was testing him. Testing us. Testing the strength of this new relationship we were foraging for ourselves. I wanted to see if we’d shatter or whether we could survive the weight of the baggage of both of us.
Looking into his eyes, I wasn’t entirely sure where we’d end up. Broken and bleeding, or strong and together. “Do you want me to come with you?” he asked. It was on the tip of my tongue to say no. To go it alone, as I’d forced myself to for a long time now.
“Okay,” I said, my voice cracking slightly.
We climbed the stairs, and I could smell the brewing coffee wafting from the kitchen. A smell that should have been comforting and familiar, but seemed lost in the deafening silence of the house around me.
Once I reached the landing I started to head down the hallway and hesitated the barest of seconds as I passed a room with the door closed.
“Jayme’s room?” Maxx asked, picking up on my unspoken panic.
I nodded and continued forward. I pushed open the door leading to the room I had slept in for the first eighteen years of my life and was sucked through a time warp.
I looked around in complete wonder as I took in all the ways the space hadn’t changed. I had truly believed that by now my parents would have boxed up my stuff and put it in the attic. Maybe turned the room into an office or used it for storage. Given the less than civil relationship we had endured, I hardly expected them to hold on to anything that was mine.
They had been clutching madly to the threads of their dead daughter’s life, so I figured they wouldn’t have enough room for what was left of mine.
I was completely wrong.
“It’s the same,” I mused, turning in a circle, taking in every detail of the room I had forgotten about.
“You had a serious thing for pink, huh?” Maxx asked, fingering the frilly drapes covered in pink polka dots.
“I was a different person,” I said softly, walking to my dresser and picking up a framed photograph.
It was the picture of Jayme and me after she had given me the silver cuff bracelet. My sister’s arm was flung around my neck, and we wore identical toothy grins.
I ran my finger along the smooth and dust-free glass, wishing I could touch my sister’s face one more time.
“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said the two of you looked alike,” Maxx said, looking over my shoulder at the photo.
I glanced back at him and smiled. “Yeah, but she was prettier.”
“I don’t think that’s possible, Aubrey,” Maxx murmured, placing a soft kiss to the side of my neck before resting his chin on my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my middle. I pressed back against him, appreciating his solid warmth.
“You guys look happy,” Maxx observed.
“We were.” I put the picture down and turned in Maxx’s arms, twining my wrists around his neck. “Thank you for being here. I don’t think I could have done this on my own,” I whispered.
“You don’t ever have to thank me. I’m glad to be here for you. You’ve been my rock for so damn long, it’s about time I returned the favor.” I reached up on my tiptoes and touched my lips to his.
He clutched me tightly and opened his mouth under mine. Our tongues stroked and teased as we deepened the kiss. It was so easy to get lost in Maxx. Even here, in the middle of my childhood bedroom with my mother just downstairs.
Maxx’s fingers wove through my hair, and I pressed myself against the length of him, wishing I could disappear inside of him.
“Whoa, hang on a sec,” Maxx said breathlessly, pulling back. His face was flushed, and his eyes were bright. “I don’t think getting you naked would endear me to your parents. And if you don’t stop right now, that’s exactly what will happen,” he warned lightly.
I smiled. “Okay, later though.” I kissed him one last time before taking a step back.
