iwas drinking so much coffee that I threatened to float away. My caffeine drive had kicked up a notch now that I was making random stops at the Coffee Jerk throughout the day. I swear I was going to have to start earning stock options, given how much money I gave them.
“Hello again. Here for round two?” Maxx asked, cocking his head to the side.
“Yep,” I said, my mouth popping around the word.
“Caramel latte, extra foam?” he asked, already punching in my regular order.
“Yep,” I said again, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Our eyes met and clung for a moment before I broke the heated stare off. I looked away and pointed to a table near the door. “I’ll be over there,” I said quickly.
I sat down and put my bag on the table. I pulled out a packet of information and laid it out on the table. I looked down at the glossy pages. The wordsDepartment of Educationstood out in a bright yellow. I opened up the catalogue and started thumbing through, looking at the offered classes: Teaching Principles, Classroom Learning Assessment, Classroom Management.
I had been thinking about my future a lot lately, and whether I was on the right path. My confidence in my ability to be a professional counselor had been shaken, and despite my efforts to put my best foot forward, I was terrified of failing again.
“Here ya go,” Maxx said quietly, sliding the steaming mug in front of me. “Department of Education certification in elementary teaching?”
I wanted to tell him to leave. To mind his own business. Instead I found myself telling him the truth. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just thinking through some other options.”
Then Maxx was sitting down across from me. “I thought being a counselor is what you wanted to do.” He looked concerned and I had a hard time meeting his eyes. I worried he’d be able to see straight through me as he had always been able to do.
I shrugged. “When I was a kid I wanted to be a teacher. That only changed after Jayme died. I just think that maybe I made my career choice based on the wrong reasons.” Why was I vomiting up honesty all over the place? And to Maxx, of all people? The last person I wanted to see into the heart of me.
“How is wanting to help people the wrong reason?” Maxx argued, frowning.
“How is this any of your business?” I asked coldly. Maxx sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest, not put out by my pissy attitude.
“It’s not, I guess. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know anyway. I’m here if you want to talk.”
He was being sincere. I could see how much he wanted me to accept his offer. It would be so easy to open my mouth and tell him everything. To forge a type of intimacy that we had never really experienced together. We never had the chance to connect on a level separate from the angst and turmoil.
But I didn’t say anything.
I ignored him, my eyes trained on the booklet in front of me, not really seeing it. After a few awkward moments, Maxx cleared his throat. “Okay, well, enjoy your coffee. I’ll talk to you later.”
Aubrey, you are an idiot,I chastised myself. I turned to look at Maxx, who was walking back to the counter, his shoulders slumped. I opened my mouth to say something.
To call him back? I had no idea what I was going to do.
“Hey.” I was startled by the sudden appearance of my roommate. Renee sat down in the chair Maxx had just vacated. Her hair was windblown and wild, her cheeks flushed as though she had just run across campus.
“Hey,” I said back, resisting the urge to look at Maxx again. She took off her coat and draped it over the back of the chair. She glanced up at the counter, her eyes widening. “I didn’t realize Maxx worked here.”
I grunted noncommittally. She pushed my cup with her finger. “Is that why you’ve been walking around like a tweeker on a meth binge? Caffeine overload?” Renee narrowed her eyes.
“I’m just indulging my love of lattes. Nothing more.”
Renee shook her head and sighed, pulling the Department of Education brochure toward her. She frowned again. “What in the world is all this?”
“I’m thinking of changing my major,” I remarked breezily, as though it wasn’t a huge deal. Because itwasa huge deal.
If I were to change my school trajectory, I would be essentially going back to square one. But the harder I worked to fight my way back into the counseling program, the more my doubt grew. I was beginning to question absolutely everything. It was unsettling.
“Change your major? Did you drink some crazy juice this morning?” Renee asked in disbelief. I understood why she was confused. This was completely out of character for me. But since meeting Maxx, out of character had becomein character.
I glanced at Maxx out of the corner of my eye, unwilling to admit that perhaps he was a major reason for my change of heart.
“I just have a lot of thinking to do.”
Before Renee could respond, her attention was pulled to the light tapping on the window beside us. We both turned in unison. Devon Keeton stood on the other side of the glass, his red hair sticking up all over his head, his hands shoved into his pockets. Renee swallowed, her eyes darting to me.
