Landon flipped the channel, still not looking at me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take your calls while you were gone,” Landon said gruffly, as though the apology was cutting into his throat.
“You don’t need to apologize. I get it,” I told him.
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Landon said, his voice rising.
“Seriously, I do. I know you’re upset with me—”
“Maxx, stop it. Just listen to me. For once.” He threw the remote onto the coffee table and finally turned to look at me. Sometimes he reminded me so much of our dad. They had the same sandy-colored hair and pronounced jaw. And even though Landon was young when our father died, he had somehow adopted so many of his mannerisms that it was sometimes unsettling. Like the way his eyes flashed and his jaw ticked when he was pissed off.
Even though I was on the receiving end of my brother’s ire, I was glad to hear the strength in his tone. He had finally grown a pair.
“Okay,” I said.
Landon clenched his hands into fists, and two red splotches spread across his cheeks. I felt tense, with no idea what was coming next.
“I... I can’t believe how much you lied to me. You’re... you’re such a hypocrite... this whole time you’ve just been this... thisdrug addict.” He spat the words at me like they were dirty.
“You were the only person in my life I knew would always be straight with me. No matter what. But I can’t ever trust anything you say again. You’re just a big, fat liar.”
I felt wounded. He didn’t get it, didn’t understand that things weren’t so black and white. Suddenly I was pissed that he was attacking me like this. How quickly he forgot that I was the one who had always made sure he had dinner. I was the one who had always gotten him up for school and made him do his homework. Yeah, I had fucked up. Big-time. But that didn’t negate the years of bullshit I went through making sure he was taken care of.
“Now, hang on a sec. I know that I let you down. I get that you feel betrayed. But don’t for one second think that lying to you was easy. And everything I did was for you. You could be a little more fucking grateful,” I snapped, feeling my patience for his surly attitude hanging by a thread.
Landon gave an incredulous snort that made me want to hit something. “So this is my fault? That’s messed up, Maxx, even for you,” he scoffed.
I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.
“What if you’ddied, Maxx?”
My angry defensiveness fizzled out. Landon looked stricken, and I felt like an ass for trying to defend myself at all. Talk about a fucking punch to the gut.
Shit. He was right.
I had almostdied.Then where would Landon have been?
I was a fucking hypocrite. I was so damn selfish.
“Landon. I ... I thought I had everything tight and controlled. I was such an idiot. I didn’t really think about what I was doing toyou. Because, honestly, I didn’t even know what I was doing to myself.”
“What about Aubrey? How about what you did to her?” Landon asked, and my heart stopped and then started up again painfully.
“Yeah, I messed up with Aubrey, too,” I admitted, feeling weird talking about my girl problems with my kid brother.
“So I’m guessing she dropped you on your ass?”
“It wasn’t like that,” I argued, though that’s exactly what had happened. I took a deep breath. I wasn’t prepared for a conversation like this with Landon, of all people.
“Look, Landon... I get that you’re mad at me. You have every right to be. But you’re my brother. We’ve got to work this stuff out. I’m trying really hard here. I just want you to see that.” Landon refused to look at me.
“I’m working at the coffee shop on campus. Landon... I’m making fucking coffee! That should tell you how serious I am to do things right,” I said.
Landon’s lips quirked. Just the slightest movement, but it was something. “You could come by sometime and I’ll make you a latte or some froufrou shit.” I was trying to be funny, but it sounded pretty strained.
My brother snorted. “If you make coffee like you cook, I think I’ll pass.”
“Hey, it’s not that bad. I’ve almost figured out how to use the espresso machine without burning myself,” I joked, my laugh sounding rusty and unused.
