“You thought I was there. That I had gotten arrested,” I said, the reason for her meltdown making sense now.
Aubrey nodded, more tears slipping down her face. “Where were you tonight?” she asked again.
“Well, I wasn’t selling, if that’s what you were worried about,” I tried.
“What else was I supposed to think, Maxx?”
“Okay, okay. I had been thinking about going back to the club, Aubrey. I won’t lie to you about that. Gash made me an offer of quick money that was really tempting. I’ve been really struggling. You know that. I just wanted to be able to provide for our future.”
Aubrey opened her mouth, and I knew she was getting angry again. “Let me finish, okay?” I begged, and after a moment, she nodded.
“It seemed like the easiest thing to do. It’s what I knew. What I was good at. I could move some dope, score some cash, and be set. Gash said it would be a one-time thing, and I thought it seemed like the best choice.” I took a deep breath and thought about how differently my night would have ended up had I decided to go.
“But then, this evening, I went to see Landon. And I had a run-in with David—”
“Your uncle?” she asked, and I nodded.
“Yeah. And he said some stuff that really made me think, and I realized I couldn’t go through with it. That I would be putting myself right back in the very place I was a few months ago. And I couldn’t do that to you. Or to Landon. And most of all, I couldn’t do that to myself.”
I carefully pulled Aubrey toward me, and she let me put my arm around her. I pressed her into my side, needing to feel her close.
“I came home and grabbed some of my artwork and then I went into the city. I found an art gallery and talked to the owner. He really liked my stuff, Aubrey. He’s setting up a show for some of my pieces.”
Aubrey’s face, still flushed and swollen from her tears, brightened a little. “Really? That’s great,” she said genuinely, but then her face darkened. “You lied to me, Maxx,” she said, her voice tight and angry.
I sighed. How could I expect her to forgive me for betraying her trust yet again? “I did lie to you. I deceived you. I kept things from you when I had promised I wouldn’t. I’d understand if you wanted to walk out that door and never see me again.”
Aubrey’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Maybe I should, Maxx. Because I told you that I can’t go down this path with you, not anymore. I can’t be in a relationship with someone I can’t trust.”
I swallowed thickly, feeling tears prick my eyes. If Aubrey left me now, after everything, I wasn’t sure I’d survive it. I had fought so hard to do this right, but in the end, here I was, fucking it up all over again.
“Aubrey, I’m a screwup. I’m a messed-up guy with a hell of a lot of baggage. It’s going to take me time to figure out how to do this right. But I’m trying. I hope you can see that. And the only way I can become the man I want to be is if you’re here, helping me.”
Aubrey shook her head.
“I’m not using. Though every day is a struggle. I can’t promise you that I won’t mess up again. Because I probably will. A lot.” I ran my fingers down the side of her face, stopping to cup my hand around the side of her neck.
She tensed slightly, her eyes focused on the second button of my shirt. “That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement for me to stay,” she said quietly.
“I wish I could make those promises. But I can’t. I can only ask that you stick this out with me. Maybe it’s selfish to ask that of you. But I truly think that we’re better together than apart. I know that you bring out the best in me.”
I ran my thumb across the heartbeat thudding under her skin. “It made me better, loving you,” I said softly.
Aubrey’s lips quirked, and I knew she wanted to smile but wasn’t about to let herself. “You and those damn quotes,” she said, but without any venom.
“How about my own words then? Aubrey Duncan, I love you. I told you that I didn’t want you to save me, but you have. Every single day you love me back you are saving me. And I will try like hell to make sure you never regret opening your heart to me. Because I was made to be yours. Just as you were made to be mine. I knew that the moment I laid eyes on you. And I feel it more strongly now than I ever have.”
A tear fell down Aubrey’s cheek, and she wiped it away furiously. “I need to be able to trust you, Maxx. I can’t do this if I don’t.”
I lifted her chin so that she would look at me. “I will work every day for the rest of my life earning your trust. And I hope the day will come that your faith in me will be as easy as breathing. Because that life I dream of, the one I see in my head every night before I fall asleep, I will fight to the death to have it. I told you I wouldn’t give up on you... onus.I just ask that you don’t give up on me.”
I had laid it all out there. I didn’t know what else to do. It was all up to Aubrey now.
“I just... Maxx... I don’t know.” She got up, grabbed her keys, and headed toward the door. She paused for a moment, not looking at me, her head bowed.
Don’t leave!I pleaded silently, feeling the walls closing in around me. Aubrey finally looked at me, her eyes wet. She was going to leave. This was it. I had ruined everything. For good this time. Then, surprisingly, she walked back across the room. She dropped down to her knees in front of where I still sat on the couch. She reached out, her hands almost touching mine... but notquite.
“I’m not walking away, Maxx. I’m not shutting the door on us. I just need to wrap my mind around everything that’s happened tonight. You hurt me.Again,” she whispered, her voice broken.
