three hours earlier
after Marco left, I wasn’t sure what I should do. I pulled out my phone and dialed Landon’s number.
“Hey, Maxx,” he said after answering on the second ring. It was nice not having long conversations with his voice mail anymore.
“Hey, how about I come by for a bit and we can work on some random shit in the garage?” I suggested. The club didn’t open for a long time yet, and I couldn’t sit around my apartment thinking about my horrible choices.
“Yeah, okay. I’ve got a scooter I’ve been putting together if you want to help me,” Landon offered.
“Sounds good. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I absently pulled an envelope of pills out of my pocket. I had begun carrying it around with me. In my mind, I thought of it as both a test and reassurance. If I didn’t succumb to the urge, I’d be able to go to bed feeling like I had won a small victory. But I also liked knowing they were there if things got too tough. If the effort to live this life I had been carving out for myself became too much, I had my old friend to fall back on.
It was fucked up. I walked back to my bedroom, pulled out the old copy ofJane Eyrethat had been my mother’s, and stuck the envelope inside before putting it back on the shelf.
I’ll throw them out later,I promised myself, not wanting to think about the reasons for not getting rid of themnow.
“Pass me the wrench,” I said to Landon, holding my hand out. I was covered in grease, but it felt good to keep my mind busy. It kept me from thinking too hard about exactly what I was going to do later that night.
“So what’s with the impromptu visit?” Landon asked, handing me the tool I had asked for. I started messing with the tiny engine, trying to fit my fingers in the tight space.
“I had some time to kill,” I said dismissively.
“Time to kill before what?” he asked, hopping up on a stool and watching me work.
I wiped some sweat off my forehead. “Isn’t this supposed to be your project?” I asked, avoiding his question.
“Yeah, well, you came in here and took over.” Landon snorted.
I handed him the wrench and we swapped places. Landon easily fit his smaller hands into the space to loosen the gasket.
I hated lying to him about what was going on with me.
So why are you?I asked myself. The answer to that question wasn’t making a whole lot of sense anymore.
“I’m gonna go grab a drink. You want anything?” I asked Landon, heading toward the kitchen.
“Nah, I’m good,” he answered, focused on his task.
I went inside and grabbed a soda and then headed into the living room. I sat down and propped my feet up on the coffee table, needing a minute to myself.
I had to leave soon and head home to get ready for tonight. My stomach clenched with dread at the thought.
“Get your feet off my fucking coffee table.”
My uncle David walked into the room, dropping his keys onto the same coffee table and glowering at me. Of course I didn’t listen. I would never give David the satisfaction of making me do anything.
David kicked my feet off the table with the heel of his boot, and I tried to control my temper, but it was always hard to do when it came to my uncle.
“What, no threats to kick my ass? No big and bad posturing?” David sneered down at me.
I slowly got to my feet and looked him in the eye. We were the same height, but I had a good twenty pounds on him. We had had enough physical altercations over the years that I knew I could take him. David was a dirty fighter, but I was better. I had to be. Knowing exactly where to punch was what had kept me alive over the years.
“What is your problem with me, David? I get you’re just an asshole, but you want to tell me what it is about me specifically that gets your panties in a bunch?” I said, low enough that my brother wouldn’t hear me out in the garage.
David snickered. “I don’t think enough about you one way or the other,kid,to get anything in a bunch.” He tried to walk past me, but I grabbed ahold of his arm and stopped him.
“Get your hand off me,” he growled.
