“Whatever,” Landon said under his breath.
There was a long moment of silence, then I picked up the first brochure and started to skim the information. “So what is it exactly you want my expert opinion on?” I asked.
Landon shrugged. “I don’t know, really. They’re all good schools. I’d like to go visit them over the summer before filling out my applications in the fall. Maybe you could come with me,” he suggested offhandedly, as though it were no big deal.
I shrugged and tried not to smile. “Yeah, sure, that’d be cool,” I said just as neutrally. Landon nodded and pulled out another pile of papers, dropping them in my lap.
“This is information about classes and stuff. It’s a lot and it sort of makes me crazy looking at it all.”
“Well, let me help you out, then,” I offered, starting to thumb through the information.
And then I came to the cost of tuition and almost lost my lunch.
“Shit, Landon, is this how much it fucking costs to go to one of these schools?” I couldn’t help myself from saying.
Landon instantly froze, our period of thawing camaraderie now over. “I know how much it costs, Maxx. But I’m also working my ass off so I’m eligible for a crapload of financial aid. You know, so you don’t feel like you have to help me out. We saw how great that turned out last time,” he spat out hatefully.
I swallowed down my angry retort and tried to remember those super-helpful breathing techniques forced down my throat in rehab.
After a few minutes I was feeling better. “There’s nothing wrong with my wanting to help you out, Lan,” I told him.
“I just don’t want you thinking youhaveto,” Landon said glumly.
I looked down at the number blazing back at me from the page. Landon had always been my responsibility. I had always contributed toward his welfare. But now I could barely keep my water turned on and food in my stomach.
How in the fuck would I ever be able to keep myself afloat and feel like I was doing what I needed to do for the people I cared about?
“Okay, well, let’s not worry about that right now and just look at these schools,” I said, changing the subject, but the burn of failure raged in my gut.
“Okay, cool,” Landon replied, giving me a small smile.
And I smiled back, even if inside I was screaming.
The club was pounding in the distance as I pulled my car into the field. Marco and I had discovered the old airstrip by chance earlier in the week. It had been a real find. It had served as the regional airport in the sixties but had closed a decade later due to funding cuts.
Gash and company had set up shop in the old hangar. I could see lights flashing from the smashed windows, and the ground vibrated under my feet. There was no fear of being discovered this far out of town. There was nothing around for miles. It wasperfect.
Marco saw me before I saw him. “X!” he yelled loud enough to be heard over the thumping music.
Every single person standing in line turned in my direction. I saw the widening of eyes and heard the whispering begin and I couldn’t help but grin. It felt nice to be noticed. I missed the notoriety. The attention.
Marco clapped me on the shoulder and immediately ushered me inside. The hangar was a huge open space. Gash’s crew had set up a bar at the very back and flickering strobes and laser lights hung down from the ceiling. The DJ booth was perched up on a platform in the middle of the room.
“What in the fuck are you doing here, man? I never thought I’d see your ugly mug on this side of the rope again.”
I looked around for the signs of Gash’s crew. He usually set up camp on club nights in some out-of-the-way location, close enough to keep an eye on things but far enough away that he didn’t have to be a part of the festivities. For all of his shady dealings, he didn’t enjoy the actual club.
“I’m here to talk to Gash,” I said, shouting over the music.
Marco frowned. “Oh yeah? What about?” he asked, and I looked at the guy who had been my friend for years in surprise.
“What do you think, dumb-ass?” I snapped, annoyed that he expected me to say it out loud.
I thought Marco would have whooped when he heard I was rejoining the fray. He had been pressuring me long enough to dip my toes back into the scene. But he didn’t seem very happy about my news. He seemed... worried.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, man,” he said, pulling me to the side and away from the rest of the crowd.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Polo? You’ve been up my ass for months to come back to the club. Remember your wholeyou’re the king of sleaze, X,pep talk? What the hell is your problem?”
