“But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re better than this shit town. I’m sort of angry that you bothered to come back at all,” Dania scolded good-naturedly.
“Flynn’s here,” was all I said, hoping that explained everything.
Dania didn’t say anything else, perhaps picking up the fact that I didn’t really want to talk about it anymore. Her assertion that I wasn’t happy bothered me a lot more than I wanted to admit.
I struggled with some way to change the subject when Lyla’s wails started up again. Dania sighed. “If she’s woken up again, it’ll be a while until I can get her back down. So make yourself comfortable, and I’ll just see you in the morning, okay?” She got to her feet and picked up a pacifier from the coffee table.
I felt a little disjointed by the frank honesty of our conversation. In the history of our friendship, the times we had had a meaningful discussion about something beyond booze and boys could be counted on one hand.
“Sure,” I said, tucking sheets and blankets into the couch as I made my makeshift bed.
“Ells,” Dania said before leaving the room.
“Yeah?”
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re back. I know we’ll never be friends like we used to be, and I wouldn’t want that. I’d sort of like to forget about those people we used to be.”
I snorted. “I can totally agree with that.”
“Yeah, well I’m glad we can agree on something,” Dania smirked but then she became serious. “But I hope we can find a way to be friends again. Better than we ever were before. Because even though I wasn’t good for you, you were always the best thing for me. I just want to return the favor.”
Lyla’s crying grew louder and before I could reply, Dania had disappeared into her daughter’s bedroom.
I spent a long time after that, lying on Dania’s lumpy couch, watching the snowfall outside, thinking about how the evening turned out so differently than I thought it would.
Dania had given me a lot to think about.
Chapter Fifteen
-Flynn-
A few years ago
I am going to see Ellie.
I haven’t seen her in over five months. Not since she left Wellston to go to school.
We are going to meet in Franklinburg, Maryland. It’s one hundred and twenty-one miles from Wellston. It’s one hundred and forty-eight miles from Baltimore. It’s a small town with four thousand five hundred and forty-six people. It has a Walmart and two restaurants.
We will be staying in the Econo Lodge. If I leave my house at ten-thirty, I will get to Franklinburg at twelve-fifty. One-fifteen if I take into account possible traffic.
It will take Ellie longer to get there. She told me she couldn’t leave until eleven because of her class. She won’t get to Franklinburg until one-thirty.
I wish she would come to Wellston. I could make her dinner and we could take Murphy on walks. I like having Ellie in my house. I like sitting beside her on the couch and watching television.
But she says she couldn’t come back yet. I don’t understand why not. When I asked her, she only says she isn’t ready.
Ready for what?
But every time I ask her she gets mad and I don’t like it when Ellie is mad. It makes my insides feel knotted up.
I started seeing a counselor in Wheeling. It takes me twenty-seven minutes to drive to his office. His name is Leonard Gentry. He’s younger than Kevin and I don’t like his beard. When I told him that, he told me the same thing Kevin always did. Sometimes you can think things and not say them. That you have to be careful with your words so they don’t hurt people’s feelings.
I told him that it was better to be honest then to lie. Leonard said he agreed with me but that I had to learn how to be diplomatic.
Leonard is nice though, and I like talking to him. He doesn’t make me feel strange and he knows not to stare at me when I speak. He understands that I don’t like that.
I told Leonard I was going to see Ellie and he helped me plan my trip. We talked about how I could feel more comfortable with going to a new place. I was anxious and worried for weeks. I threw up in the toilet last night and again after I dropped Murphy off with Imogen.
