“I met with Leonard this morning. I have a session every Monday at ten o’clock. I have a two-hour break between classes. Then I have a session on Thursday after work. So I went this morning and we talked about you. I told you we talk about you a lot,” Flynn said, looking at me for confirmation that I understood.
I nodded. “Yes, you told me,” I said, still not liking it but that wasn’t the point. Something had agitated Flynn all of a sudden and I didn’t know what it was. I thought we were having a good day. Now it had turned into something else.
“Leonard asked if you were happy, and I didn’t know how to answer him. Because I didn’t know. You’ve never said you were happy, and I can’t tell if you are. So I wanted to ask if you were happy because Leonard told me it’s good to make sure. Because having a relationship is about both people.” Flynn had his hands clasped on the table in front of him, and I knew he was struggling not to wring them together like he used to.
I wasn’t entirely sure how I should answer the question. If I told him truthfully how I was feeling, that I wasn’t sure I could stomach the thought of living in Wellston, West Virginia until I died, I was pretty certain it would upset him.
If l lied and told him I was completely happy, I would hate myself for not being honest.
“I’m happy being with you,” I said, hoping that was all he needed to hear.
“But you’re not happy living here,” Flynn deduced, showing an uncharacteristic moment of astuteness.
I sighed, wanting to touch him but at the same time, needing the physical distance to give him this truth he seemed to need to hear.
“I hate Wellston,” I let out in a rush.
Flynn blinked. No other reaction. Just blinked.
“You hate Wellston,” he repeated.
“Yes, I hate it. I’ve lived here most of my life. And it was a pretty crappy life, Flynn. Nothing good ever happened to me here.”
Flynn blinked again, his jaw clenching ever so slightly.
“Except for you. And even some of that was horrible. The way I treated you. The fire...” Flynn looked away, clearly upset by that particular memory.
“I don’t know if you realized this, but I was a pretty miserable person,” I continued.
“You never smiled much,” Flynn offered, seeming to think about what I was telling him.
“So, no, I wasn’t thrilled at the thought of coming back here. I worked my butt off to get my degree and moving back to West Virginia feels almost like a defeat.”
“I don’t understand,” Flynn said, frowning.
“I wanted to leave so badly. I wanted you to come with me, Flynn! But you couldn’t. And that’s okay. But when I left, I never really wanted to come back here. Ever again. But I also knew that you were settled. That you wanted to be here. And I wanted to be with you. So I came back. I told you I would. It was a promise I wanted to keep.”
“I don’t understand if you’re telling me you’re happy or not,” Flynn said, sounding frustrated.
This time I did touch him. I took his hand between mine and threaded my fingers through his. Palm to palm. Heart to heart.
“I’m happy being with you, Flynn. And that’s all you need to worry about.”
Flynn’s frown smoothed out and the line between his eyes disappeared. “Would you tell me if you wanted to leave? Would you talk to me about it? Leonard tells me that’s part of a healthy relationship. Talking stuff out.”
“Leonard’s right. Talking is important. But I get that that’s hard for youandfor me. I guess we have to work on that together.”
“Okay. That makes sense. I don’t like it when you’re sad. You were sad when I told you I couldn’t go to your school with you. I hate it. It makes my stomach hurt. I like seeing you smile.”
His simple, heartfelt words filled me with a warmth I had never thought it possible to feel. Just when I thought it impossible to love him any more, he said something, or did something that opened my heart wide open all over again.
“You always make me smile,” I said softly, lifting our joined hands and kissing his knuckles.
“I hope so,” he said, giving me a smile of his own.
Chapter Nine
-Flynn-
