“I’m calling about the receptionist job you applied for. Mr. Lambert and Mr. Weaver were very impressed with you at the second interview,” Wilma began and I almost called bullshit.
I’m sure they had felt many things about me. Impressed was not one of them.
“Oh, well that’s nice to hear,” I replied lamely.
Wilma cleared her throat again. Flynn would have asked her if she needed a drink of water. Sometimes I wished I could get away with being so direct without coming off like a bitch.
“However, they’ve decided to go with another candidate. I’m sorry and I wish you the best of luck in your employment search,” Wilma said, not sounding sorry in the least. Because what did she care that I was floundering and broke?
“Oh. Okay,” I said, feeling the ground fall out from underneath me. “ Did the other candidate have more experience? Was it my criminal record? What reason did they have for not hiring me? Because I’d really like to know,” I demanded, not able to curb my temper. And there she was, good ol’ Ellie McCallum, ready and willing to take your balls off.
“I can’t really discuss their reasons, only that you weren’t chosen,” Wilma responded, sounding flustered.
“The story of my goddamned life,” I muttered.
“Excuse me?” Wilma asked.
I didn’t even bother to say anything else. I promptly hung up the phone and stood there, in the middle of the kitchen, feeling like I was going to implode.
It was a shitty job. I would have hated working for a douche like Mr. Lambert. Answering phones would have been totally mind numbing.
Why weren’t any of my efforts to make myself feel better working?
I threw my phone on the kitchen table, covered my face with my hands and screamed. And it was loud. Top of my lungs, deep from the gut, loud.
I kicked a chair and it clattered to the floor. Murphy ran into the other room, hiding from my violent outburst.
I dropped my hands to my side and looked around the kitchen. Flynn’s kitchen. In his house. The one I lived in because he wanted me to be there.
I was here because of him.
But suddenly I couldn’t be here anymore.
I grabbed my keys and all but ran to my car. Then I was driving and not really going anywhere. I drove through a town that used to be my home and now felt like a place that belonged in another life.
I tried calling Flynn at work, reaching for my lifeline as I had done so many other times before. But it went straight to his voicemail.
Because he had a life that was completely separate from me. He had a job. He had something that fulfilled him.
What did I have?
Flynn.
That was it.
Shit, when had I become one ofthosewomen? The type whose entire existence revolved around some guy?
Even if that guy was the love of my life, I wanted more for myself than just that. I needed it.
Why was it that after I fought so hard to forge a future, to be someone different, that I was still running in circles with no clear plan?
At least the old Ellie didn’t hurt. She didn’t feel pain or disappointment. She was numb and disconnected. And right now, with my latest rejection ringing in my ears, that didn’t sound half bad.
What was wrong with wanting to forget? Just for a little while.
I pulled my car up in front of Woolly Mammoth’s Bar and Grill. It looked as tired and seedy as ever.
Was I really going to go in there?
