Dania rolled her head to the side to find me trying to back out the door without throwing up.
“Ells!” she shrieked, her eyes unfocused, her speech slurred. She climbed off Stu’s lap and ran over, throwing her arms around me. She seemed unconcerned by the fact that she was completely naked.
“Fucking hell, Dania!” Stu yelled. He started stroking his dick while I was standing there. “Now, I’ve got take care of this myself,” he growled. Dania giggled.
This was wrong. So very, very wrong.
I pulled away from Dania and stumbled backwards. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t do this.
Not anymore.
“Where are you going?” Dania asked, following me out into the living room.
There was laughter and catcalls as she flashed the entire party. She put her hand on her hip and struck a pose. It was obscene.
I stared hard at her stomach, thinking about the baby that lived in there. The baby she was hurting with her selfish behavior.
She wasn’t thinking about the person she was supposed to protect. She was throwing away his life, just like her mother had done to her.
And mine had done the day she had walked out and left me alone to fend for myself.
In that moment I hated Dania.
I really fucking hated her.
“I’ve got to go,” I said and hurried back to the front door.
I could hear Dania’s laughter as I fled.
I slammed the door behind me and leaned back against it heavily. The vibrations of the music rattled my bones just as my thoughts rattled my brain.
I had made a million excuses for Dania. For my friends. For the way we lived our lives.
How could I do that? How could I stand there and say I don’t give a shit?
I had been numb for so damn long.
But every day, every hour, the deep emotional freeze was beginning to thaw.
And it hurt.
It was excruciating.
But it made me feel strong.
I gripped my keys in my hand and headed out to my car.
I didn’t know where I was going but I knew where I wouldn’t be.
And that was here. Stuck. Never changing.
It was time to do something about it.
-Ellie-
I drove around for a while; thinking until I thought my head would explode. Somehow I had ended up parked at the bottom of a familiar graveled driveway. The night was noisy as I climbed out of my car.
It was the early days of October and the heat of August and September was slowly slipping away. The night held the sounds of a dying summer.
