But I had allowed myself to pick up the brochure and slip it into my purse. And there it had stayed, burning a hole in my subconscious.
Until a few days later I had caved to my delusional thinking and made a phone call that could very well change the trajectory of my world. I had set up an appointment to go down to the college and talk about myoptions.After I had hung up I had felt sick, convinced that I had made a horrific mistake.
Because now my mind was occupied withpossibilities.
If I wasn’t careful, I just might make myself start thinking that I had a chance. And that was a scary sort of insanity for a girl like me.
The bell droned miserably as the door swung open. I heard a tittering laugh and a guy’s unintelligible whispers.
“I knew you’d be here.” I looked up to see the two people who had been fucking like rabbits in the alleyway only moments before. My best friend Dania Blevins, wearing a tight belly shirt that exposed her growing baby bump, was wrapped around a random guy I only vaguely recognized as a regular at our regular hangout, The Woolly Mammoth Bar and Grill, a few streets over.
Dania picked up a few bags of chips and shoved them into her bag. “Take whatever,” she said to the guy, who swiped a chocolate bar and a pack of gum, which he looked like he desperately needed.
“You gonna pay for that?” I asked, knowing it was useless to ask.
“Ells, you are the funniest chick I know,” she chortled, opening the freezer and pulling out a Creamsicle.
I took the ice cream wrapper from her outstretched hand and threw it in the waste bin behind me. I would have to remember to put some money in the register to cover her sticky fingers before closing up tonight.
“Craig and I are heading down to Woolly’s. You wanna meet us there when you’re done?” Dania asked, slurping on her ice cream and giving Craig a lascivious look.
I shrugged, not wanting to admit that I couldn’t stomach another night watching her knock back shots of Jaeger, while she rested her hand on her swollen stomach. She was four months pregnant. She knew she was having a little boy. But it didn’t change her lifestyle one bit.
Sure the pregnancy had been an accident, caused by Dania’s promiscuity and lack of family planning, but that didn’t excuse her selfishness. She joked that she had been raised Catholic and subscribed to the pull out method as a form of birth control.
Obviously that had worked out really well for her.
So now she was twenty-two years old, set to give birth in five months, and still smoking like a chimney and drinking like a fish. And if I tried to say anything, she’d chew me a new asshole. And she did it in a way that was vicious and cruel and usually very, very public.
But Dania was my oldest friend. We had been in the same foster home for two year before I had gone to juvie.
We had hated each other on sight. But that had ended when we realized that protecting each other from our pervy foster dad was more important than any dislike we had shared.
It was a friendship born out of survival. One that had been necessary rather than a natural bond formed by people who genuinely liked each other. Our friendship became like a bad case of herpes. It was uncomfortable, sometimes it made you sick, but it never went away.
Dania was a loud mouthed, overly dramatic bitch with serious psychotic tendencies. She had been in the system almost as long as I had. Her mother had given her up when she was ten after her dad had died, finding the out of control behavior of a grieving child too much to handle.
As a result, there was a direct correlation between the frequency she spread her legs and her desire to be loved. It was textbook. And it landed her with an unwanted pregnancy and no idea who the father was.
Whatever her faults, Dania was the only person to stay in contact with me during the two years I was in juvie. She would take a bus over to Mt. Hope almost every weekend, without fail. And when I got out, with nowhere to go, she offered me her couch.
So even if I didn’t like her choices, even if she made me want to pull my hair out most of the time, I would never turn my back on her. That’s how I rolled. Loyal to the point of stupidity.
“I don’t think so. I’m beat,” I said indifferently. Dania giggled while Craig grabbed her ass. And while he did so, he leered at me suggestively, his cold dark eyes lingering on my bigger than average chest.
My friend sure knew how to pick ‘em.
“Are you sure? The whole gang will be there,” Dania gasped as Craig did something I didn’t want to think about. He was still leering at me so I flipped him off. His smile grew. Bastard seemed to like that.
“Definitely think I’ll pass then,” I muttered, looking away from the amateur porn show.
“What is your problem?” Dania hissed under her breath. I had pissed her off. She didn’t take my disagreeing with her very well. She couldn’t understand why I’d be less than thrilled to hang out with the same sorry ass jokers we had partied with in high school.
And I sure as hell couldn’t tell her that I planned to get up early and head over to the community college. That I had made an appointment to talk to a woman in the financial aid office to see whether I could afford to take a class. That I was thinking about actually doing something with my life. And continuing to hang around with my so-called friends would only bring me down.
Because that would go over like a lead freaking balloon and would most likely involve lots of screaming, clawing and hair pulling. Dania was a scrappy fighter and it didn’t take much to set her off. I had been on the receiving end of those evil nails more times than I could count.
“I’m just tired,” I began but started to cave under the strength of Dania’s derision. Dania narrowed her eyes, her hand on her hip as she leveled me with her bestdon’t fuck with me bitchstare.
